Without You
by gizziefan118
Summary: When Izzie gets a life threatening illness, will she be able to get thru it without the help of her friends? Gizzie
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy.

Hi everyone! This will be my first fanfic I put on here, so I hope it's not to bad. First chapter is sorta short, but it'll get longer soon enough. Read and review, tell me if I have a chance at a good story!!!Rosalie

Without You

They sat across from each other. She wasn't looking at him, though he was staring straight at her. They had been silent; he was waiting for her to speak, when in all truth she didn't want to. She couldn't even look at him. She knew she should have told him sooner. Now he was just waiting. She had been waiting for a longer time than he had.

She cleared her throat. He still didn't speak. She finally gave in.

"Okay, okay, what do you want me to say?" she sais exasperatedly. "I'm sorry. I should have said something before-"

"Long before," he said in a harsh voice. "How the hell could you not tell me something like this?"

"Just ask yourself," she snapped back. He looked at her for a moment, then looked away. They fell into silence again.

They both wished they could go back.

It all started weeks ago. Once, it seemed like so long ago, George and Izzie had been friends, the best of friends, who would tell each other anything. Then George and Meredith happened, which brought George and Callie. And after George and Callie came George and Izzie.

They never would have thought they'd lose their friendship, especially because they realized they liked each other more than just friends. But George was married to Callie, and that was that.

"I can't Izzie, you know that," George said as she followed him down the halls of the hospital.

"We can't lie anymore George, it-"

He turned around to face her. "Yes, we can. I'm married to Callie. I love her, and that's the end of the story. Maybe you should've spoken up earlier, like before I was married."

"But I love you George, and I'm sorry but that's not going to change," she said firmly. "I can't just be your friend. I love you."

He looked at her for a long time. She could see a sadness in his eyes.

"Then I guess we can't be friends."

She stared at him like she'd never seen him before. Those words hurt her a lot. She felt tears come to her eyes. He turned away from her and walked away, as much as it pained him. Because he loved her too. But he couldn't. She watched him go, feeling very, very alone.

She sat down at the lunch table, not at all hungry. Meredith and Cristina looked at her.

"What's up with you?" Mer asked.

"I hate George," Izzie said without looking at them.

"Hm," Cristina said. "Nothing new then."

Izzie glared at her.

"Why do you hate him?" Mer asked. "What ever happened to 'we're best friends, Or whatever?"

"Good question," Izzie said. "Those times are over, that's for sure."

"I'm sure you'll get thru it, you always do," Cristina said. "It's your thing."

"No," Izzie said angrily, standing up. "I'm done with him."

She left the table, feeling angry. If only they could understand. This was all too much for her. She wished she could just go back and fix it all. Make it okay again.

She felt a dull pain in her stomach, and it just made her more annoyed. It was probably because she hadn't eaten. Even though, she had to admit it wasn't the first time she felt it. But who cared about that. She had more important things on her mind. Like what she was going to do about her lost friendship.

It's short, but in the beginning my chapters are always short. Please read and review, I'd like to know what you think!!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for all your reviews!!! I'm glad people have found interest in this story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's.

Chapter two

"So what's going on between you and Izzie?" Meredith asked George in the locker room.

"Nothing," he said shortly without looking at her.

"For it being nothing you surely have her pissed off," Cristina said.

George didn't reply. He closed his locker and didn't meet eye contact with the others as he left the room. On his way out Izzie came in thru the door, and they only glanced at each other for a second, and then acted like they saw nothing.

"George doesn't want to talk about your fight," Mer told Izzie as she opened her locker.

"There's nothing to talk about," Izzie said.

"You're not gonna get anything out of them, you should just give up," Cristina said to Meredith.

"Sounds good to me," Izzie said, and left the room without another word.

"They seriously have issues," Cristina told Mer.

"That's for sure," Mer said. "Come on, let's go."

That morning George and Izzie ignored each other completely. George felt a certain guiltiness, for he had been harsh, and it wasn't even all her fault. He felt the same way, yet blamed it on her. But he really didn't know what to do, and wished that he could just go back to the time when they were friends, and life was so much simpler.

Izzie was dying to talk to George, half wanted to tell him off and half wanteing to try and repair the damage she created. She avoided Meredith as much as possible too, incase she tried to harass her again; Izzie remembered doing the same thing to her when the whole Meredith/George thing happened. That seemed like such a long time ago, before George, even before Denny. She had been right on George's side when that happened. How time has changed.

Izzie was paired to work with Callie that day (to her displeasure). One person she definitely didn't want to be around was the person that was at the center of her problems. She just did what Callie told her to do, then stayed out of her way; Callie didn't seem to mind.

She left the patients room, relieved to be away from Callie's gaze. Izzie wondered if George told her about their fight. He couldn't exactly tell her why, which would make it complicated. She definitely at least suspected something.

Again she felt the dull pain in her stomach, which was starting to discomfort her, mainly because she didn't understand why it was there. She also noticed she didn't seem to eat as much anymore; it was as if she couldn't. Thinking about this made her feel slightly uncomfortable, because this had never happened to her before. She _loved_ to eat.

Callie came out of the room. Izzie came out of her thoughts.

"You're just standing here?" Callie said sternly. "I thought I asked you to get those labs for me."

"Yeah, I'm going," Izzie said, and walked away.

She didn't encounter George again that day until she was leaving. He didn't look at her at all. She sighed and went to her locker. She had a moments urge to run after him, but didn't, because she knew it was no good. She left the hospital alone, and went home to an empty house; Alex and Meredith were out somewhere, and she really didn't care where they were. She went up to her room and lay down on her bed, exhausted from the long day. She sat up rather quickly; the pain she felt earlier came back, butt it became much worse by just laying down. She looked around, as if to get help from someone, though she was very much alone in the house.

The next morning she left for work by herself, earlier than the other two, not even saying a word to them. She wanted to arrive before them so she could try and find Dr. Bailey before the others did. She went straight to the locker room. When she entered she was surprized to find she wasn't the only early one.

"What are you doing here this early?" she asked, surprized and annoyed.

"What are _you_ doing here this early?" George asked her.

"That's not your business."

"Then you have no reason to ask me the same question."

They glared at each other for several moments, until George had enough and left the room. Izzie sighed and opened her locker. She had a feeling that he came early so he could avoid her, which didn't make her day any brighter.

She finally found Bailey in her clinic. The room was quite empty, because of the early hour. She hesitated for a moment, rethinking her decision, then went forward.

"Um- Dr. Bailey?" she asked nervously.

Bailey looked around at her. "You're here early," she said, then turned back around.

"Yeah, that's because- because I wanted to talk to you about something. Privately."

Bailey looked at her again, curious.

"Okay, what is it?"

Izzie simply looked at her for a few moments, not wanting to say anything.

"Well if you want to tell me then tell me," Bailey said impatiently.

Izzie looked down for a moment, feeling embarrassed. She looked back up.

"I think there might be something wrong with me."

Bailey looked at her with a surprized expression.

Well that's the end of chapter 2, a little longer than the last. I hope that it was good, so review it and tell me what you think!!! Rosalie


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you to all who have reviewed! Sorry that this chapter took me a while, I've had a lot to do. I hope you enjoy this chapter, as we finally get into the main idea of the story. Tell me what you think, I love to hear from you, good or bad. **Rosalie**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's.**

"So tell me what your symptoms are," Bailey asked her as Izzie sat in front of her on a bed.

"Um-" Izzie was embarrassed and really didn't want to talk about it. She didn't look anywhere but at her feet. "I really don't think anything's seriously wrong. I just- have this pain, in my abdomen and sometimes in my back. It's really worse if I lay down. And I can't really eat anymore, I don't have an appetite. And I'm tired too, more than usual."

Bailey looked at her for several moments, thinking. Izzie looked up at her.

"Have you felt any nausea?" Bailey asked.

"Um- maybe," Izzie said uncomfortably. "I just asked you because I was getting uncomfortable with it and-"

"No, I'm glad you did," Bailey said. Izzie didn't like the way she was looking at her. "I'm gonna schedule you a CT, just so we can get a better view, see if there's anything unusual."

"Okay," Izzie said. "And do me a favor, don't tell anyone we're doing this."

Bailey knew what she meant by "anyone" and nodded.

"Well let's get you scheduled."

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Izzie felt very uncomfortable as she was lying in the machine, waiting for it to be done. She wondered if they seen anything, or if this was just a waste of their time. She hoped it was a waste of their time.

Bailey looked at the screen. She stared at it for a while, then sighed.

"Let's get her out of there," Bailey said. "And I want to get an ERCP done on her."

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"An ERCP?" Izzie repeated in surprise. "Why? What do you think is wrong?"

"We don't know yet," Bailey said. "That's why we're doing the ERCP."

"But there's something wrong with me," Izzie said, looking up at her.

Bailey paused then said, "yes."

"Okay," Izzie said, looking away. Maybe it was a good thing she went to Bailey. "So what do you think it is?"

"I don't know," Bailey said.

"You don't know, or you don't want to say anything?"

Bailey ignored the question.

"Have you eaten or drank anything in the last eight hours?" she said instead.

"I had some coffee earlier-"

"Then we'll have to wait a few hours. Why don't you go down to the clinic for now."

"And you're not going to tell them anything."

Bailey sighed. "I'm not going to tell them anything."

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"Where were you this morning?" Meredith asked Izzie at lunch.

"I came in early," Izzie said.

"Why?"

She shrugged.

"You should eat something," Alex told her. "I swear I haven't seen you eat in days."

"I have eaten, I don't have to eat in front of you," Izzie said shortly.

"You should still eat at lunch. That's what it's here for."

"I'm not hungry," she said dismissively.

"Alex is right," Mer said. "I haven't seen you eat either."

They were al looking at her. She sighed impatiently.

"I'm not going to say it again."

George came to the table. He and Izzie looked at each other. He went to walk away.

"That's alright," Izzie said standing up. "I was just leaving."

She departed from the table. George sat down. They all looked at him instead.

"What?" he said defensively.

"You guys should just work out whatever's going on between you," Mer said.

George ignored her.

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That afternoon Izzie had to go in for the ERCP. Bailey was going to be doing it, which she was glad about. And of course, she hadn't told her friends, who were already nosy enough.

"Now you know how the ERCP works," Bailey told her. "We'll insert the camera and be able to get a clearer picture of what's going on."

"Yeah," Izzie said.

"Well let's get started."

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"Alright, let's see what we got," Bailey said, feeling rather nervous, because she knew what she was going to find. The room was uncomfortably silent. Bailey found what she was looking for. She looked down for a moment.

"We're getting a biopsy."

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Bailey came into the room just as Izzie got up. Bailey didn't look at her, and Izzie saw that as a bad sign.

"So how'd it go?" she asked Bailey.

Bailey still didn't look at her. "Have you got any abdominal discomfort? Sometimes the ERCP can-"

"Yeah, I know," Izzie said impatiently. "I feel fine. So how did it go?"

Bailey sighed and looked up at her. "We had to do a biopsy."

Izzie stared at her for a few moments.

"I have cancer?"

"Well we won't know until the results come back-"

"But you think I have cancer?"

Bailey looked straight into her eyes for a couple seconds before saying, "Yes."

Izzie looked away from her.

"Okay."

"But we won't know everything until the results come back."

"Okay."

"Izzie."

She looked up at her for a moment, then turned away. "I'm just- gonna go now and- I'm just gonna-"

"Izzie-"

"I have to go," Izzie said firmly, and left the room.

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"Where have you been?" Meredith asked Izzie as she found her in the locker room. "I looked for you earlier."

"I had to take care of a patient with Bailey," Izzie said without looking at her.

"Oh." Mer was silent for several moments. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah," Izzie said. "Everything's fine."

"Is this about George? I'm sure you two can work out what-"

"Can you stop with the George thing?" Izzie said, annoyed. "Just leave it alone. It's not your problem."

"Okay, sorry," Mer said. "I won't ask again."

"I'm sorry," Izzie sighed. "It's just been a long day."

"Yeah," Meredith agreed.

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Izzie lay awake that night, unable to sleep, though she was exhausted. She wondered what was going to happen. Bailey seemed pretty sure it was cancer, even if she did not admit it; Izzie could tell by the look on her face. How could this have happened? She was young, she was healthy…but that didn't always matter, she knew that by now. She was frightened, she really was, and didn't have much hope; she was too frightened to be hoping that it was nothing and everything would be fine. But what if it wasn't? What would she do?

"Well I guess I'll find out," she said to the dark empty room.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you to those who have been reviewing. I'm glad that you have found interest in my story. Hearing from you makes it worth it! Rosalie

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The next day Izzie went to work with Alex and Meredith. Thankfully Mer had stopped badgering her about George. She told no one of what she went through the day before. She really didn't know why she didn't want anyone to know, but she just didn't. she was mostly quiet as they arrived at work and got ready to start the day. Mer said nothing to George either, who didn't speak to any of them (he probably didn't want to be bothered by it either). They got their assignments and parted ways to go find whomever they were working with for the day. Izzie and George were paired with Dr. Bailey in the clinic, and in all truth Izzie didn't want to be near George or Bailey. She had a feeling Bailey had her with her for a reason. It was hard to work with George when he had no desire to speak with her.

Later that day Bailey came up to Izzie and George as they were speaking to a patient. They stopped and looked at her.

"O'Malley, handle this by yourself for now," Bailey told him. She turned to Izzie. "I have the results from yesterday's patient."

Izzie looked at George for a second, but quickly looked away.

"Okay," she said. "Are they good or bad?"

"We'll talk about it privately," Bailey said.

Izzie's heart sank; she counted that as a no. She followed Bailey out of the clinic all the way to an empty exam room without saying a word. Even when Bailey shut the door the room was silent for seconds that seemed like hours to Izzie.

"So?" she asked, even though she wished at that moment to know nothing.

Bailey sighed and didn't look at her for a moment. When she did, Izzie didn't like the look on her face.

"It's what we thought," she said, as though she didn't want to say it.

"Cancer?" Izzie asked.

"Yes," Bailey said.

There was a few moments' silence. The words didn't seem to impact Izzie at first. It didn't seem real.

"It's pancreatic," Bailey continued. "With pancreatic cancer we usually don't know the real reason why it occurs in anyone. Has anyone in your family had it?"

"I don't know," Izzie said quietly.

"Okay," Bailey said. She paused. "I know this is hard to take in-"

Izzie laughed. "Hard to take in," she repeated. "Yeah, I'd say so."

Bailey sighed. "I'm sorry."

Izzie ignored her. She didn't feel like herself. It was if someone else had taken her place and she was watching nearby.

"You know how the treatment works," Bailey said. "We can start with surgery, which most likely-"

Izzie stood up. Bailey fell silent.

"I don't want to hear this right now," Izzie said firmly. "I can't hear this right now. I have to- I'm just going to go and try and think."

Bailey looked down for a moment. "Okay. But don't be thinking for too long."

"And don't tell anybody." She left Bailey alone in the room.

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Izzie went back to the clinic. George was there. She stared at him for a moment, wondering why she did not want to tell him what she had just heard. He looked up and saw her watching him. This brought her out of her thoughts and went over to him.

"So where's the patient at?" she asked him.

"Upstairs," he replied. "I thought you had another patient."

"Right now I don't."

They looked at each other. She almost said something to him then, tell him he had no right to ignore her when what happened between them wasn't just her fault, and to tell him she may very well be dying.

"So you speak," she said instead, fighting back the other words.

This didn't seem to help the situation. He looked away from her and walked away, leaving her standing there alone.

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Later that day she found Bailey again. She watched her from up in the gallery, not interested in the surgery for once. Bailey seen her up there but didn't look up again. Izzie waited for sometime by herself, until someone sat down next to her.

"Hey," Alex said, looking down to the OR. "Where have you been hiding all day?"

"I haven't been hiding, I've been busy," she said.

"I can tell."

She glared at him for a moment then looked away.

"Is it O'Malley?" Alex asked. "Because if he's got you this upset that you have to pull away from the whole world-"

"This has nothing to do with George," she said impatiently.

"But then there's something else?"

She looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"You said _this_ had nothing to do with George."

She realized this now. She hadn't thought about it when it came out.

"No, there's nothing," she said. "It just came out wrong."

"Uh huh." He looked at her, but she said nothing more. "You can talk to me you know."

She still ignored him. He sighed and stood up.

"Whatever," he said. " You don't want to talk, that's fine. I'll see you later then."

He left. She didn't say good-bye to him. She stayed in the gallery until after the surgery was done and Bailey came in.

"Are you ready to talk?" Bailey asked. "Because if not I don't have time."

Izzie waited for several moments, then said, "How bad is it?"

It took Bailey a moment to speak too. "With Pancreatic Cancer, the symptoms that you experienced don't occur until the cancer is more advanced."

Izzie nodded. "Can you treat it? I mean, get rid of it?"

"We- we can try," Bailey said. "But I don't know if we could cure it. I mean it's already…."

She didn't finish the sentence. She didn't have to.


	5. Chapter 5

I've been doing a lot of research for this story, so I hope I have gotten everything right. I'm not good with the whole medical thing, so if any one sees that I have something wrong, feel free to correct me. After everything I've learned for this story, I hope I have everything straight. Please review and tell me what you think. And of course, thank you to those who review every week! It means a lot to me. Rosalie

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Izzie met with an oncologist the next day. He gave her many more straight answers, unlike Bailey, who really didn't seem to want to. She didn't want to hear many of the answers she got, but she already knew what they were going to be.

"You're already into the later stages," the Doctor, Dr. Hill told her. "Since the symptoms you experience are for the more serious cancer, it's a sign that it has already spread, which it has."

"So it's inoperable," Izzie said.

"Yes," he replied.

"And what about treatment?" Izzie asked. "Is it too late for that too?"

"It all depends on you," he said.

Izzie was silent for a moment. "So it's not going to get better?"

"No," he sighed. "I'm sorry, but no."

"Okay," Izzie said, her mind blank. "So… how long…?"

"At most a year," he said. "But it's not likely. I'd say about half a year."

Izzie was silent for a few more moments, and then said, "So treatment will be…up to me?"

"Yes," he said. "Most patients elect not to go through chemo or radiation treatment, and choose hospice instead. They feel that-"

"If they're going to die, it's better not to spend it going through the hell of chemo and radiation."

"Yes, basically," the doctor said. He was looking at her sympathetically, which for some reason really annoyed her.

"And with hospice," Izzie said, not looking at him, " I could just keep going the way I'm going until I die?"

He noticed she spoke of her prognosis as though it was no big deal. "Yes," he answered her. "You can spend your remaining time at home and with your family and friends. Hospice treatment makes your quality of life better."

"Okay," she said. "I think it'll be best that way."

"You're taking this quite well for just finding out."

Izzie managed to smile. "Finding out is one thing. Realizing that it is real is another."

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Izzie entered the Chief's office, Bailey behind her. Izzie turned around.

"I can do this," she told Bailey. "I'm fine on my own."

Bailey observed her for a moment, then said, "Fine. Report back to me when you're done here."

Izzie nodded. Bailey left the room, closing the door behind her. Izzie took her seat in front of the Chief's desk.

"So," he said.

"So," Izzie responded.

"What's your prognosis?" Richard asked.

"The cancer has spread," Izzie said. "They can't operate. And Chemo and Radiation aren't going to help."

The chief nodded. "I'm sorry. I wish we could do more for you."

"I know," she said.

"How long do you have?" he asked.

"A few months," she said, looking at her feet. "I don't know exactly."

"You never do," he said solemnly. "What do want to do, as far as work?"

"I want to stay here as long as I can," she said. "This was my dream, so I want to live it as long as possible."

She realized she said _was_ my dream. She felt a mixture of emotions inside her; fear, sadness, hopelessness, loss. She bit her lip to keep it in.

"Are you sure?" the chief asked.

"Yes," Izzie said quietly.

"Alright," he said. "If you ever feel the need to leave, you can. Don't put too much stress on yourself either."

"Okay," she said and stood up. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

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Izzie went back to the clinic and got her assignment from Bailey. She was grateful that Bailey didn't push her for any information. She wanted to just work, to get her mind off of everything that she has learned in the past couple days. She was confused, and frightened, and wished nothing more than to disappear so she wouldn't have to face any of it.

She sat with her friends at lunch, determined to keep things going as the way they were before. She didn't want any of them to know. She wanted to live her life the way it would have gone, for as long as she could. If she told them, nothing would be how it was. They'd treat her different, and see her different, and she just didn't want that.

"You're joining us," Alex said when she sat down. "I didn't think you would."

"Of course I am, I do everyday."

"Not lately," Meredith said. "I don't think I've even seen you today."

"I've been busy, okay? Don't you have anything better to talk about?"

"Do we ever?" Cristina asked. George came up and sat down too. Mer looked between him and Izzie but didn't say anything. Izzie looked at him, but he ignored her.

After they were done with lunch, they all got up to go wherever they had to. Izzie hesitated, then held George back.

"Come on," she said, grabbing his arm. He pulled away and didn't look at her. "This is driving me crazy. I have enough things driving me crazy right now, so cant we just forget this happened? That this all happened? We don't have time to dwell on this."

"You don't want to forget about it," he said, finally looking at her.

"How do you know?" she asked defensively. "You can't tell me how I'm feeling."

"I know," he said. "And you do too."

She stared at him. He looked at her for a long time. He could tell that she didn't want to forget, but he could also tell that she really wanted to try.

"I don't have time for this right now," he said, and walked away.

"You're funny!" she called after him, but he didn't look back. "Don't have time," she said sarcastically, but to herself. She knew what not having time meant.


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for all your reviews!!! This chapter will skip a little ahead, because if I wrote every day of the story it would be way too long. I'd say this story is half over, but I'm not sure yet, because I really don't know what I'm doing until I get there. I hope you all enjoy the chapter, and thanks for reading! Rosalie

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Every day that went by for Izzie was another day of her life she'd never get back, another day of her life she wasted acting like everything was normal, when she could be doing so much more. Days and days went by, and still no one found out her secret, except for the exception of her doctors. It was actually nearly a month and a half before they started to find out. But they did, and it wasn't Izzie's best time either.

She handled everything well enough, and there were times when she would forget she had it all. Then there were days where she stayed up all night because she couldn't take the pain she got when she lay down; there were days she wouldn't go to work because she was too tired to do anything. And she went through waves of depression, where she wouldn't talk to anyone and kept her distance so she could drown in her sorrows.

It wasn't that her friends didn't notice anything, because they really did. They knew that she was going through all of these changes in behavior (the sickness, they didn't notice ) but they didn't understand why. They asked her, more than once, but she kept on using the "I'm fine" and mostly stayed away from them. They even went to Bailey to ask her to talk to Izzie, which she agreed, but she already knew why everything was happening to Izzie.

"You have to tell them," Bailey told Izzie. "They know something's wrong, and there gonna find out sooner or later. Don't let them find out later. They might hate you if they do."

"It's not going to matter anyway," Izzie said quietly.

"Yes, it will," Bailey said in frustration. "Even though you'll be gone, they'll still be here. You don't want to leave them behind hating you. It doesn't always have to be about you. Think about them and how they'll feel."

Izzie looked at her, knowing that she was right. But still, it wasn't as easy as she made it sound.

"I know," Izzie said. "They'll be angry at me and themselves too, probably-"

"Do you think they won't find out, that you can hide it forever?" Bailey asked. "You won't. You can't. The sooner you tell them, the better it'll be."

"Who said I was telling them?" Izzie asked.

"I did," Bailey said firmly, and left her with that.

They found out the way Bailey said she wouldn't want them to, but soon enough, which could balance it out, at least sort of. George found out the hard way, and Izzie ended up wishing she had told him right away.

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It had started with George trying to ignore Izzie; the situation ended up the other way around. For a while George kept his distance from Izzie, until her behavior changed so much that his feelings changed to worrying. He joined in with Meredith, Alex and Cristina in trying to get her to talk, and for having wanting to talk to him for so long, she wasn't talkative anymore. Cristina said give her time and she'd end up breaking, but too much time had went by already, and she didn't seem willing to break.

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Izzie and George scrubbed into surgery with Bailey. Izzie was mainly quiet, as was George. When they entered the OR, George went to the table with Bailey while Izzie hung around in the background. George looked around at her, wondering why she wasn't up front. Izzie wanted to come into the operating room, just to be in there. She could see the surgery, which at that moment was all she wanted to do. Sometimes she just didn't want to do things, even things that she loved.

"Alright people, let's get started," Bailey announced. George looked back at Izzie again, who was only watching Bailey's process, and didn't even seem as interested as she used to be.

The surgery was nearly finished when it started. Izzie closed her eyes for a moment, trying to fight it. She bit her lip and took a deep breath, but it didn't help at all. She could feel the pain swelling up inside her, and she couldn't ignore it any longer.

"Dr. Bailey?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady. "Can I leave?"

Bailey looked up at her. She knew just by looking at her why she wanted to leave. George looked at her too.

"Yes," Bailey said, and looked back down at her patient.

"Thank you," Izzie said, though she wasn't sure that Bailey heard her. She was just at the door when Bailey said, "O'Malley, go with Dr. Stevens."

Izzie turned and looked at her.

"What?" she said in spite of herself.

"What?" George said, confused.

"You heard me, go!" Bailey said, not looking at them, though everyone else was.

Izzie didn't care anymore and left the room. George hesitated.

"I'm not telling you again," Bailey said, and George didn't hesitate any more, and walked out after Izzie.

He found her with her hands on the sink, her head bowed, eyes tightly shut. She didn't move.

"Izzie?" George asked worriedly. "What's wrong?"

She didn't say anything. He moved closer.

"Izzie," he said again.

At that moment she fell to her knees, which startled him. He knew something was really wrong with her.

"Izzie what is it?" he asked, bending down next to her. She shook her head.

"I just…need a minute," she said, her eyes shut tight.

"What's wrong?" he asked again, almost scared. She didn't answer him. He looked around for help. "Come on, let's get out of here. I'll help you-"

She shook her head again. She didn't seem to want to move. She knew that it was easier this way, because standing up made it worse. She knew that she had to get out of there, though.

"Izzie," she heard George say. "Can you stand up? We should really get out of here."

She nodded and let him help her up.

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Bailey found George sitting outside the room. He looked up at her as she came over. He didn't look happy.

"She doesn't want me in there," he said. "I've been waiting." He paused for a moment. "Why is that Dr. Hill in there with her?"

Bailey just looked at him. He didn't look away from her.

"Is she sick?" George asked, and she couldn't deny it; he already basically knew.

"She's been sick for a while."


	7. Chapter 7

Thank you for all the reviews! This isn't my favorite chapter, but maybe you'll like it, I don't know. Please review and tell me what you think! Rosalie

George went into the room. She looked when he came in, but seeing who it was she looked away quickly. He stood there, not knowing exactally what to say, for he wanted to say so many things at once. It was Izzie that spoke first.

"Did they tell you?"

"Sort of," he said. "I didn't get any details."

She sighed and looked at him.

"You have cancer," he said.

She didn't answer at first. All she could think about was all the trouble she went through trying to hide it.

"Yes," she admitted.

He was looking at her as though he didn't know her, as though she were some stranger that he was afraid of.

"How long have you known?" he asked.

"About a month and a half or so," she said. "Not that long."

"Not that long," he repeated and laughed. "A day would have been long."

She looked away. She felt ashamed and embarrassed, and wished she could just sink through the bed and disappear so she wouldn't have to have this conversation.

"So how… what kind is it?"

"Pancreatic."

"Pancreatic?" he repeated. "But you're-"

"I know," she said quietly.

"What have you done for it?" he asked, trying to get all of his questions answered.

She didn't answer. He waited for her to speak, then understood what her silence meant.

"You haven't done anything?" he asked incredulously. "Why not? You can't just-"

"They can't," she interrupted him.

He stared at her.

"But- surgical removal-"

"It's inoperable."

"Chemo or radiation-"

"Won't help."

He fell silent again. He could not believe what he was hearing. It was impossible. Completely impossible.

"So- you're…."

"I'm dying," she said simply.

Those words he did not want to hear. He sat down in a chair opposite the bed.

And they sat across from each other. She wasn't looking at him, though he was staring straight at her. They were silent; he was waiting for her to speak, when in all truth she didn't want to. She couldn't even look at him. She knew she should have told him sooner. Now he was just waiting. She had been waiting for a longer time than he had.

She cleared her throat. He still didn't speak. She finally gave in.

"Okay, okay, what do you want me to say?" she said exasperatedly. "I'm sorry. I should have said something before-"

"Long before," he said in a harsh voice. "How the hell could you not tell me something like this?"

"Just ask yourself," she snapped back. He looked at her for a moment, then looked away. They fell into silence again.

They both wished they could go back. Way back, back to the beginning so they could set things right. He should have known this as soon as she found out. He shouldn't have given her a reason not to tell him.

"But why didn't you at least tell Meredith, or any of the others?" he asked finally.

"Because," she said, "everything would be different. You'd see me different. You'd try to hide it but you couldn't. You'd just look at me and see Izzie the dying girl, not the friend you thought you had. And I liked not having to talk about it, I liked pretending it wasn't there, because when I do think about it all I can think is I'm going to die. And I think about that enough."

He looked at her sadly, which though she liked it better than anger, the way he was looking at her was the reason she didn't tell him. She sighed and closed her eyes, again wishing not to be there.

"Are you…feeling better?" she heard him ask.

"Yes," she said. "I'm fantastic."

He went and sat down on her bed. She opened her eyes. He didn't speak at first. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

"Just because I'm mad at you, or say I'm mad at you, doesn't mean that you're still not my best friend. We do this all the time, it's stupid but you know that. You can't hide something like this from me. I mean…."

He really didn't exactly know what he was saying. He knew that she got the point though. She said nothing, but still he knew she understood.

"There's nothing they can do?" he asked in desperate hopefulness.

She gave him a sad smile. "No, there's nothing they can do. It got too far before we even knew about it."

He nodded and didn't look at her. "Mer and the others need to know this too. I mean you live with-"

"You can't tell them George," Izzie said at once, interrupting him.

"It'll be better if you do-"

"I know," she said. "I will. Just not right now. Later."

"And when is later?"

"I don't know, later."

"Do you see me here now?" he asked. "They're not going to be any different. They'll be surprised, and yeah they'll be angry, but only at first. They need to know, they'll want to know. We already figured out something was wrong with you; we just didn't know what it was. We thought you were just depressed or something. You'll need them."

She didn't say anything, just looked at her hands. He waited for her to reply, but when she didn't he figured he'd drop it for the time being; he thought his speech had been pretty good.

"So when did this start?" he asked instead. "I mean, everything?"

"Not that long before I found out," she said. "At first I really didn't think it was anything. But when it got to the point that it really scared me, I went to Bailey, and she did tests on me. It was the day that we both got there early, remember?"

"Yeah," he said, remembering more how cold they had been to each other. "And the test results she gave you when we were in the clinic, your patient I didn't know?"

"I was the patient," she said.

He realized how long ago that really was; he didn't even remember it until she said something.

"Then I met with the oncologist, Dr. Hill," Izzie continued, "and he gave me everything I needed to know."

"Those days when you'd stay locked in your room-"

"Were either because I was too tired to want to get up or I was trying to isolate myself from everything else. I get these waves of depression sometimes, and locking myself up is the best way I've dealt with it."

They looked at each other for several moments.

"Are you scared?" he asked.

"That I won't be able to celebrate another Christmas again?" she said, and wished she hadn't, for she could tell from the way he looked away that that wasn't a very comforting way of answering the question.

"Yeah," she said instead, but he still didn't look at her. "But there's nothing I can do about it, so I just do the best I can."

He looked up at her again, and she could tell he was as scared as she was.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "I should've told you sooner. I was wrong and…yeah. I'm sorry."

He didn't seem to want to say anything, so he attempted a smile that didn't work so well. He stood up quickly, startling her.

"I should go," he said, and seemed to be in quite the hurry. "You should get some rest for now, and I'll see you later, okay?"

She looked at him for a moment, a look he didn't like; he could tell that at that moment she regretted telling him.

"Okay," she said. He nodded and left the room, leaving her staring after him, even for a while after he left.


	8. Chapter 8

I hope that you areenjoying the story so far. If you ever have any ideas of your own, or think I should fix something, let me know. Thank you to those who review every chapter, you are my favorite people to hear from. I hope you like the chapter. Thank you!!! Rosalie

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George did what she asked and didn't tell anyone. He knew it was something she'd have to do herself. He hoped that she didn't take to long. As he entered the locker room that night to get ready to leave, he heard Meredith ask, "Where is she anyways? Did she go home already to avoid us?"

"Who, Izzie?" George asked. "No, she has to stay here tonight, she wanted me to tell you that."

They all looked at him in surprise, which made him feel uncomfortable.

"She actually talked to you?" Cristina asked.

He looked from her, to Mer, then to Alex. "Yeah, I guess she's in a better mood today."

"She wasn't earlier," Alex said. "What did she say to you?"

He felt uncomfortable. He did not lying to them, for he now knew what it was like.

"Nothing really," he said. "She- she still wasn't very talkative, but she did speak."

"So that's a start," Meredith said brightly.

It is, George thought, and said no more about Izzie.

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He ran into her the next morning as they crossed paths in the hall. He almost didn't stop, for he was so used to not talking to her.

"Hey," he said as she stopped too. "How're you?"

"I'm okay," she said. "Ready to get back to work." She paused for a moment, then said, "You didn't-?"

"No, I didn't tell them," he said, and she looked relieved. "I know that you have to be the one to do it."

She ignored the last part. "Did they ask where I was?"

"I said you were on call," he said. "But they were surprised that I talked to you. It looks like you'll have to become more talkative."

She smiled. "I'll try."

"And if you ever need to talk about-"

"I know," she said before he could finish.

"Okay then," he said. "Well I have to go, so I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah," she said, and he turned to walk away, then stopped. He looked back at her.

"About last night, I'm sorry that I just ran out like-"

"It's fine, really," she said. "Now go on, go do what ever you have to do."

He nodded and turned back around again and went on his way. She didn't like this someone knowing already; he had said too much on the subject for her.

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George went to work with Bailey. She said nothing to him about Izzie until they were alone, and was discrete as she could be.

"So she told you everything?" she asked.

"Yeah," George replied. "Is there really no chance?"

Bailey shook her head with a sad look. "I'm sorry."

He wanted someone to give him a different answer, but it didn't seem to be going that way.

"How is she now?" he asked.

"She's alright for now," she said. "She just needs to take better care of herself. She's been doing pretty well since she found out. Not perfect, but you cant expect it to be."

He didn't want to hear that she hadn't been perfect either. It just made him feel guiltier that he hadn't noticed it, or figured it out, or whatever.

"And you'll have to know," Bailey added, "that just because you know, that doesn't mean anything is going to change much. She wants to go through this by herself. If she doesn't feel well chances are she isn't going to tell you. She doesn't like to talk about it, even if she's having problems. Don't expect her to go running to you for help."

George stared at her. "How am I supposed to help her if she won't tell me anything?"

"Just because she doesn't tell you, doesn't mean it isn't there. And also, her depression can get bad sometimes. The disease itself has symptoms of depression, and added with the fact that anybody who has anything has depression, it doesn't often go over well. So you'll just have to watch her."

"You think she'd do something to herself?" he asked worriedly.

"She could or she couldn't," she said. "The only thing you can do is try and pull her out of it."

He had no idea how he was going to that, and hoped that he wouldn't have to.

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Meredith found Izzie later that day, sitting by herself in the stairwell. Izzie looked up as Meredith sat down next to her.

"Hey Iz," Meredith said, and Izzie was surprised to see her openly talking to her. "I heard you talked to George."

"Why?" Izzie said at once, a little too defensively. "What did he tell you?"

"Just that you talked," Mer said, surprised at Izzie reaction. "I just wanted to say that I'm glad that you two are back on speaking terms."

"Oh, yeah," Izzie said more calmly.

"I thought you'd never speak again. What gave you the change of heart?"

"I don't know," Izzie said uncomfortably. "Things just seemed better."

"Well things can only get better, right?" Meredith said, strangely optimistic; for Izzie she would be, if it helped her. "Just think, pretty soon we'll be able to do things on our own here, really be surgeons, without any one bossing us around. We will be able to boss people around, and-"

She stopped when she looked at Izzie, who looked like she was about to cry; Meredith could see the tears coming to her eyes.

"Izzie, what's wrong?" Mer asked concernedly.

Izzie shook her head. "Nothing," she said, though the tears came anyway. "I'm fine, I just-"

She stood up. Meredith looked up at her.

"I just need to go," Izzie said, and left her there.

"So much for things being better," Mer said to herself, and got up and followed Izzie out.

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Meredith didn't see Izzie again that night, so she had no idea what happened or if she had calmed down. She repeated the story to Cristina as they got ready to leave.

"And she just stood up and walked away," Meredith finished as George came into the room.

"Yeah, I gave up on understanding that girl," Cristina said.

"What are you talking about?" George asked them, looking from Cristina to Meredith.

"Something's wrong with Izzie," Meredith told him.

"What?" he asked sharply, dropping his jacket. "What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know, she got all emotional for no reason," Mer said.

George felt relieved; he had thought worse had happened. But remembering what Bailey had told him earlier, he realized anything wrong was something to worry about.

"Why, what were you guys doing?" he asked, picking up his jacket off the floor.

"Just talking," Mer said. "I told her I was glad she talked to you, and she said something about things being better, so I said the same thing, just I put in all the better things that were going to happen."

He realized her mistake; she had said something of the future that Izzie didn't have. Mer got defensive as he looked at her as though she made the most obvious mistake in the world, which to her she made none.

"Where is she?" George asked.

"I don't know, I haven't seen her," Meredith said, and with that George left the room.

"Why does everyone know something I don't?" Meredith said angrily.

"We can't always know everything," Cristina said. Meredith looked at her.

"You seriously didn't just say that."

Meanwhile George searched around for Izzie, but had no luck finding her. He searched the hospital, but once he came up with nothing, he walked outside, thinking that she might have gone home.

But she hadn't. at first he didn't see her through the rain, but the he spotted her sitting by herself on a bench, soaking wet; she'd obviously been out there for some time.

"What are you doing out here?" he said loudly so she could here him through the rain. "You're going to freeze to death out here."

"Good," she said, staring straight ahead of her. "Then it'll be so much quicker."

Now George had made the mistake. At first he didn't know what to say. All he could think about was what Bailey had said.

"Let's go inside and talk," he said, and tried to pull her up, but she didn't want to move. He thought about what to say for a moment, afraid of saying the wrong thing again.

"Look Izzie I know that you're scared, and I know that this is hard. My own father died of cancer. It's not easy, especially- especially when you know. But Izzie-" he waited for her to look at him, which after a few moments she did "-you still have time. You could be doing so many more things than just sitting here and dwelling on all the negative things. You could be doing anything right now, but I guess you enjoy sitting in the rain."

He managed to make her smile. He held out his hand and she allowed him to pull her up.

"I don't enjoy sitting in the rain," she said.

"Then let's not do it anymore."

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She allowed him to take her home. They pulled up to the house and he walked her to the door. Thankfully, the rain had stopped for the time being. She turned to him and smiled again.

"Thank you," she said. "I'm sorry I-"

"It's fine," he said. "You have no reason to be sorry."

She nodded and opened the door.

"Izzie," he said before she walked in. "You have to tell them. They're already suspicious enough. Just get it over with."

She didn't reply and shut the door behind her.


	9. Chapter 9

This is for all the Gizzie fans, so if you don't like the, you might want to skip this chapter. It's a little long, but I actually cut it shorter than I was going to.

And to Addexluv (not to point you out or anything) I hope it pleases you a little bit, for I took a part of your idea.

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Izzie did not tell Meredith, Cristina or Alex about her illness; not directly at least. As with George, they found out a way they shouldn't have, and as with George, they didn't react as Izzie had expected. But it was not Meredith, Cristina, or Alex Izzie ever told; it was Callie.

Callie would probably be the least likely person that Izzie would tell, or you would think. But under the circumstances, it was hard for her not to, when she was trying to fix what she messed up. But really, telling her never helped much; though it might have thrown Callie off track for a moment, it didn't change what had happened.

Izzie realized how short her time was running; first there had been six months, then five, and now four. It was going by so quickly that it scared her. Half a year seemed like a lot of time when you think about it, but it isn't when your death sentence is at the end. There were still so many things she felt that she needed to do, needed to say. There was one thing that she was the most afraid of, and to her seemed the most useless of them all; how she felt when it came down to George.

George was her best friend, and had been for a while. They had been through much together, and had many ups and downs. But that one night, her whole perspective seemed to change, and she never planned it either, never even knew it was possible. She fell in love with her best friend, and nearly lost her relationship with him because of it.

But she also knew that this wasn't one sided; she knew he felt the way she did too, and so did he. He had stayed with Callie because she was his wife, and he had no reason to be unfaithful to her when she didn't even have a reason to deserve it. But he couldn't deny what he felt for Izzie, and he couldn't deny that it wasn't the way that he felt about Callie. For the past couple weeks, since he had found out about Izzie's cancer, he had started to think that his time was running out to; his time to be with her, to tell her how he felt. But what good would it do? It couldn't go any farther, though he hated to think that way, it was the truth. But he could not lie about his feelings, because he could not think of what it would be like if she were gone before he plucked up the courage to finally say something.

But it he did, and not too late either. Yet as much as he wanted to tell her, parts of him regretted when he did.

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Since the night she sat in the rain, Izzie had been more optimistic, or at least she tried her best to be so. George was glad; the negative thinking was not doing her any good, and it wasn't doing him any good either. He did what he could to keep her spirits up and keep her out of the darkness that she often tried to fall into. He avoided talking about the cancer, because he knew that was what she wanted. Even when he knew that she wasn't fine like she said, he still ignored it, because that was how she dealt with it the best; she liked to bear her pain alone. That is why he was most surprised one day when she openly started talking about it to him; it was if she finally could not keep it to herself any longer.

They were alone, talking about the day, about nothing close to what came out of her mouth. She was very happy and relived that he had respected her wishes and not only kept her secret, but also acted like her cancer didn't exist. She was very thankful that he had done so, thankful enough that it made her suddenly feel comfortable talking about the thing she tried so hard to hide.

"I can't believe that she made me say that," George was saying, and they both laughed. "It doesn't make any sense."

She smiled and looked away. He noticed this.

"What?" he asked.

She looked at him again. The smile was still there, though not as much.

"Everything is different," she said. "Everything I think about, everything that I look at, I see it differently. I see things I never saw before, respect things I probably never would have. And it's everything too. Everything is different."

He realized what she was talking about, and though he was surprised, he was also pleased; it might be good to talk about it sometimes, because otherwise it could very well drive you crazy.

"Yeah," he said. "I bet it is."

"You should look at it the same way too," she said. "You never see the world for what it is until you know that you won't be able to see it anymore. You're missing out on a lot."

"Really," he said. She smiled again.

"You know what I mean." She was quiet for a moment. "In four months, or maybe less or maybe more, I really am going to- to be gone, and that's crazy. You think about it and say, no, that's impossible. That's wrong. It just doesn't seem real but…it is. And it's not easy. I'm scared, I'm scared out of my mind, but…at least I do have time. I have time and taking advantage of it helps a lot."

He really didn't know what to say, for he wasn't in her situation and didn't understand how she really felt.

"Yeah, you have time," he said. "You have time to do whatever you want."

She smiled.

"We all have time to do whatever we want. You are the same as me, except I know when I'm going to die and you don't. you should think about your life, and if it's really what you want, because trust me, you never know when it'll be gone, and you wont want to have regrets."

He just looked at her. They stopped.

"I can't have what I want," he said.

"Sure you can," she said. "You're just not trying hard enough."

"But what if what I want I shouldn't want- does that make-?"

"Yes," she cut across him.

They were silent for a few moments. They just stared at each other, waiting for something to happen.

"I'm sorry," he said, at long last. "It wasn't just your fault, it was mine too. We were both in the decision and the truth is that…."

He wanted to say it, but he wasn't ready. She was waiting for him to finish, and he could tell that she was anticipating it.

"I don't want to just be your friend either."

After a moment she smiled. He did too. But then he thought of Callie.

"But I can't," he said, his smile fading.

Her smiled faded too and she looked away.

"Izzie," he said, but she didn't look at him. "I don't want regrets. I don't…."

"What do you mean by regrets?" she asked, and looked at him again.

"I wish I knew," he said, and moved closer, unable to stop himself. He put his hand on her face, and he could see tears in her eyes. They hesitated for a moment longer, then he kissed her, and she didn't pull away; it felt like the most comforting thing in the world, like her life really meant something, like it was real.

They backed out of the hallway, into the nearest room, a room all too famous for this type of thing; the closet. She pulled his shirt off and they stared at each other again.

"No regrets?" she asked him.

"No," he said, and she smiled.

Then George's worst nightmare came true; just as they kissed again the door opened, and a suspicious looking Callie walked in. she stopped short. George and Izzie broke apart, both looking terrified.

"Callie," George said quickly, picking up his shirt. "I-"

"No," she said, and backed out of the room. "Don't say anything."

"Callie!" he said again, but she didn't reply and left the room, slamming the door behind her.

George and Izzie were left in awkwardness. Izzie did not look at him as he put his shirt back on and said, "I have to go talk to her."

"Yeah," Izzie said, and he too left the room, leaving her by herself. She did not know how to feel. She felt bad for Callie, seeing them like that. But she also didn't, because she wasn't sorry that it happened.

"Callie!" George said as he chased after her. "I'm sorry, I know that-"

"What ever you have to say," she said, stopping and turning to face him, "I don't want to hear it. It means nothing to me. Get out of here."

"Callie," he said again pleadingly, but she turned and walked away, giving him a look of disgust before she did so.

Izzie came up behind him. He turned around, looking defeated.

"I'm sorry," she said.

He shook his head.

"I said no regrets, didn't I?"

They just looked at each other for a moment, then he passed her. She didn't go to follow him. In stead she went to find Callie. For George.

She could not find her at first. She did after nearly a half hour of searching, nearly running into her when she did so. Callie's face was full of hurt until she laid her eyes on Izzie; then she turned angry.

"How dare you look at me," she said coldly and turned to walk away.

"It didn't mean anything!" Izzie said at once. Callie turned back around.

"It sure looked like it meant something," she said.

"Well it wasn't," Izzie said. "It was just a- a comfort thing."

Callie laughed. "Yeah, whatever."

She turned away again.

"I'm dying," Izzie said, not to loudly but clear enough that Callie could hear her.

"What?" Callie asked, turning around again.

"I have cancer," Izzie said, her face set. "I'm going to die, so you don't have to worry about me taking your husband. I won't be her to do that."

And wit that she walked away, leaving Callie looking confused and disbelieving. 


	10. Chapter 10

George had no idea what to do about Callie. That night he tried to find her again after he had thought about what to say, but he could not find her. She went home by herself, which he felt that was a bad sign. It was clear that she did not want to have anything to do with him. He went to find Izzie instead, but she was not there either, so he had no idea what to do. He could not go home, not tonight. It would be better to give Callie some time, then maybe they could talk later. But would she want to? And the bigger question was, did he want to?

He felt torn between the two of them. It was as if someone was telling him Callie or Izzie? In all truth he knew that he wanted Izzie more, even though he knew he really couldn't have her. Just because… there were four months left.

He did not like it when he thought that way, but he could not help it, because it was the truth. Four months was not a long time. Thinking this made it worse, because of the fact that at the end of those four months she would no longer be with him or anyone else.

So he left the hospital by himself, and after a while of debating what to do in his mind, he decided to go to Meredith's house. He wanted to talk to Izzie, though he really didn't know what to say to her. He had no idea how she felt about what happened, or how she wanted to deal with it. Well, he knew how she _really_ felt about it, but what she would do was an entirely different thing. He knew that she would sacrifice her feelings for his.

It was later at night when George arrived at Meredith's house. He went and knocked on the door, and after a few moments Meredith answered it.

"You're here late," was her greeting to him.

"I want to talk to Izzie," he said.

"Alright," she said, and moved out of the way to let him in. he stepped in and she shut the door. "I don't know how you get her to talk to you," Meredith told him. "She doesn't like to talk that much anymore, except to you."

"Well, I don't know why that is," George said uncomfortably. "Is she upstairs?"

"Yeah," Mer said, and she let him walk away without asking him any questions; she didn't feel like it tonight.

George went up the stairs and stopped in front of Izzie's room. He knocked lightly. He heard her say, "Come in."

He opened the door. She was sitting up in her bed, reading a magazine. She looked up from it, and he could tell that she was surprised to see him.

"George," she said, and put the magazine down. "What're you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk," he said awkwardly.

"Okay," Izzie said slowly.

Though he wanted to talk, he was silent for several moments. She waited for him to say something.

"Callie's really upset," he said finally.

"I know that," she said. "That's obvious."

"I feel horrible that she had to see us like that," he said.

"Yeah, me too," she said. "But you said no regrets, right?"

"Right," he said, after a few moments of hesitation. "And I mean it." He managed to smile, and she returned it. "I just wished she didn't have to find out like that."

"Did you want her to find out at all?" she asked.

He wanted to say no and yes. He wasn't quite sure.

"I don't know," he said honestly.

She nodded. He sat down on her bed.

"So what does this mean?" Izzie asked him. He looked at her.

"What does-?"

"Us," she said. "What does it mean?"

"It means-" he paused for a moment. "It means what I said. I have no regrets because I do…I do love you."

She smiled, a smile he hadn't seen in a long time; a real one.

"But yeah," he said, and stood up. "You should go to bed, it's late and you look exhausted."

"No, I'm not tired," she said, though he knew she was. "I'm going to stay up for a while."

He was giving her a look she didn't like.

"I'm fine," she said. "I'm just not tired."

"Okay," he said in an annoyingly disbelieving voice. "Well I guess I'll let you sit here all night."

"Are you going home?" she asked.

"No," he said. They were silent as they just looked at each other. He left the room without another word. She sighed and picked her magazine up again, ready for a sleepless night.

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The next day they got to work, George refusing to talk about what happened between him and Callie. Meredith gave up on questioning him and went on her way to work with Derek for the day. George looked for Callie, but couldn't find her at first. Just when he thought she was avoiding him and it was better to give up, she found him. He stopped, afraid of what she had to say.

"Why did Izzie tell me she had Cancer?" Callie asked him sternly. That was not the thing he expected her to say. He stared at her in disbelief.

"If this is some plan of yours to make me-"

"She told you that?" he asked her in disbelief.

"Yeah, she came up to me and told me she was dying-" she stopped. "It's not true, is it?"

He didn't say anything. He couldn't believe that Izzie had told her that, when she refused to tell him or any of her other friends or family.

"I don't know why she told you that."

"So she was lying."

"No, she- she doesn't-" he stared at her. She stared back.

"You can't tell anyone that she said that," George said quietly. "She doesn't want anyone to know about it. She didn't even tell me until a couple weeks ago, and no one else knows. So just please don't tell anyone."

She stared at him in shock. "She said it was a comfort thing."

He didn't know how to respond to that. She didn't seem to have much more to say either; she was definitely thrown off by the whole cancer thing, which George was sure that was why Izzie had told her.

Callie opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out and she walked away. George almost called after her, but he didn't know what to say. He had to find Izzie so she could explain it to him.

Meanwhile Izzie and Cristina were paired together for the day. They had a patient who had lung cancer, and was in for a surgery to help save his life. Izzie felt uncomfortable. She knew all too much how it felt to be in his situation.

Cristina explained the surgery to the patient, Mr. Ackerman, who wasn't very happy about the low success rate of the surgery. Izzie could tell that he was second guessing it.

She waited until Cristina had left and went to talk to him.

"Are you rethinking the surgery?" she asked him.

"Sometimes, yeah," he replied. "I mean, how could I not? Most people that go into the surgery don't come back out, and that's not very comforting."

"But this could save your life," she said, trying to cheer him up. "It gives you a chance."

"I don't know," he sighed.

Izzie paused and looked around to make sure that she wouldn't be overheard. She took a deep breath and looked back at him.

"I know how you feel," she said. "I have cancer."

He stared at her.

"You?" he said disbelievingly. "But you're so young."

"I know," she said. "But it's true. I found out a couple months ago. It's incurable."

"So there's nothing they can do for you?"

"No," she sighed. "But they can do something for you-"

At that moment Cristina went to walk in the room, and then stopped.

"-and if I had a chance to do something, I would. I am going to die in four months. But you don't have to. You don't have to be me. You can live."

He smiled at her.

"I'm sorry they can't do anything."

"Well you know what will make me feel better?" she asked. "If you go through with this surgery. Give yourself the chance I don't. Trust me, you don't want to live the life I do."

He nodded.

"Alright," he said. "You're right. This is my chance."

"It's your chance."

"Are you scared?"

She smiled. "Every day."

Cristina stood there for a moment. Not wanting to be caught, she walked away quickly. Izzie left a couple moments later, feeling good about herself for once.

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George joined Meredith and Cristina for lunch. They were already in conversation when he sat down.

"She actually told the guy that she was dying of cancer," Cristina said to Meredith.

George dropped his food. Mer and Cristina looked at him. He did not like that.

"What?" Mer said.

"What do you mean?" he asked too defensively.

"You act like she told that guy the truth," Cristina said.

"No I didn't," he said at once, and picked up his sandwich. "I didn't say anything."

They continued to stare at him. He felt himself go read.

"You're not serious," Meredith said flatly.

"I didn't say anything!" he said, his heart beating quickly; this was not a good situation.

"He's lying," Cristina said in disbelief.

"No I'm not!" George said, but it was getting hard to hide it.

"Izzie has cancer?" Meredith asked.

George didn't look at either of them. Mer and Cristina looked at each other.

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Izzie was glad that Mr. Ackerman was going through with the surgery. She really wanted him to get through this. Help him, because she couldn't help herself.

She went into the locker room, ready to go home for the night, exhausted from the day and rough night before. There was conversation when she walked in, but it stopped abruptly. She found Meredith, Cristina and Alex staring at her. George was there too, but he was looking anywhere but at her.

"What?" Izzie said nervously.

They looked extremely unhappy with her.

"Caner?" Alex said.

Izzie's heart dropped. She looked at George.

"George!"

"It's not my fault!" he said defensively.

She looked back at the others, with no idea what to say.


	11. Chapter 11

"How long have you known about this?" Meredith asked.

Izzie looked at George, who still wouldn't look at her. She did not want to be there, just as she didn't want to be there when George found out. Maybe she should have told them before. This was way too uncomfortable.

They were waiting for her to speak. They still looked angry, but they also looked concerned, which she was sure those were the two emotions they were feeling.

"A couple months," she said quietly.

"A couple months?" Alex repeated. "Why didn't you say something before?"

She didn't answer the question. She was looking at her feet, too ashamed to look at them.

"She didn't-" George started, but Alex cut him off.

"I didn't ask you, I asked her. Let me guess, she told you right away, didn't she?"

"I told him a couple weeks ago," Izzie said. "And I didn't mean to, it was just kind of inevitable."

"But all this time," Meredith said, her voice trailing away.

"I'm sorry," Izzie said sadly.

"So is it true?" Cristina asked. "There's nothing they can do for you?"

Izzie looked at her.

"Next time you should make sure people can't listen at the door."

"You were listening?"

"Like you wouldn't."

Izzie sighed. "No, there's nothing they can do for me. The symptoms appeared to late, the cancer had already spread. They told me I had six months. That was a couple months ago, so I have…about four now."

They all stared at her in disbelief. None of them looked angry anymore. George finally looked at her. He nodded.

They really didn't know what to say for a long time. They stood there, looking at each other, as Meredith, Cristina and Alex took in what she said. George stood up.

"It'll be better this way," he said. He looked at the others. "She didn't want you to know because-"

"Because I didn't want anything to be different," she said. "I wanted to pretend it wasn't there, and that everything was fine, so I didn't tell you. If you knew, I couldn't pretend and…I needed that, because that's just how I deal with it."

"We can help you deal with it," Meredith said consolingly.

"You don't understand, I don't want help," she said. "I want to do this…I just want to pretend."

"Well you can't now," Cristina said. "You might think pretending is good-"

"You aren't in my position," Izzie said firmly. "You don't know what the best way for me to deal with it is. You don't understand, and you can't."

"Sorry," Cristina said, backing off.

"I'm sorry," Izzie said. "I'm really sorry, I know I…I had my reasons, you have to understand."

But they didn't seem to. She now saw how much George understood her compared to the others. She did not think she could be there any longer.

"I have to go, there's something I forgot to do," she said, and went to leave.

"You can't just walk away after this," Meredith said, but that didn't stop Izzie from leaving. She looked at all of them waiting for her to speak again, and walked out of the room without another word.

They were silent for several moments. They all looked at George.

"I told her to tell you," he said, "but I think that she waited so long that she couldn't."

"Why wouldn't she want us to know?" Meredith asked.

"I think she explained that already," George pointed out.

"How did you find out?" Alex asked him.

"Pretty much the same way," George said, not looking at them when he did so. He no longer wanted to be there either.

"I can't believe this," Meredith said hollowly. "We live with her and we didn't know this?"

"That's not your fault," he said. "But you really should be quiet about this, especially around her. She just doesn't like to talk about it. If she wants tom she will. You just have to wait for her to come to you, because otherwise you'll just push her away."

Meredith, Alex and Cristina just looked at each other. George felt his work was done, and followed Izzie out the door.

As she walked the halls Izzie tried to imagine that them knowing was a good thing, but it didn't seem to be true. She wished that she could go back and do everything over again. The past couple weeks that George knew had been livable, but now she wasn't sure it would stay that way. She could just picture the others harassing her about it, which is the last thing that she wanted. But it was out now, and there was nothing she could do about it.

She spotted Callie as she walked past her. They looked at each other for a split second, then looked away. Izzie had almost forgotten that she told Callie too. She wondered what Callie had said to George about it. Any of it. They hadn't talked about what happened between them, so she had no idea where anything stood.

Izzie went to Mr. Ackerman's room. She was glad to see him awake so she could talk to him.

"Hello Mr. Ackerman," she said as she came in the room.

"Dr. Stevens," he said and smiled.

"So are you ready for the surgery tomorrow?" she asked, sitting down.

He seemed to think about it a moment before answering.

"Yes," he said. "I think I am. I'm ready to fight this."

She smiled. "I'm glad to hear it."

He looked at her closely for a minute, then said, "You don't look too happy."

"I am," she said. But he smiled, and she said, "Just had a talk with my friends."

"About what?" he asked.

"I didn't tell them," she said, "and they weren't too happy about it."

"I'm sure they weren't," he said, "but I know the feeling. I didn't feel comfortable telling people either. But I'm glad I did. It was worth it. It'll be worth it."

She smiled and nodded.

"Well I should go," she said, standing up. "Your big day is tomorrow."

"Will you be in there?" he asked. "The operating room?"

"I'll be watching," she smiled, and said goodnight.

George followed Izzie's steps, and doing so he also ran into Callie. He hadn't seen her since yesterday, and for a moment he forgot about everything else.

"Looking for Izzie?" Callie asked. "Well she went that way."

He sighed.

"I'm really sorry," he said sincerely. "I never wanted to hurt you, I really didn't."

"Then why'd you do it?" she asked.

For that he had no answer. She looked away.

"So are you moving out then?" she asked instead.

"Do you want me to?"

"Do you want to?"

He had no answer for that either. He had no idea what he wanted. He wished he did, because he was tired of being torn. He wanted to be with Izzie, but he didn't want to have this bitterness between him and Callie. He was unsure, and Callie didn't seem to like that.

"Well I guess you've made up your mind," she said, and turned to walk away. He grabbed her arm to stop her.

"I haven't," he said.

She faced him again.

"That's not good enough. If I am going to be with someone, I don't want it to be a person who has to think about it. If you have to think about it, then we're done."

She did walk away this time, and he didn't try to stop her. He did not know what to do.

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Meredith stood downstairs for some time, debating on what to do and what to say. She was still trying to comprehend what she learned today. She wanted to do what was right by Izzie, for it was her decision that mattered.

She made up her mind and went upstairs to Izzie's room, where she had been hiding to avoid them. She hesitated for a moment, then softly knocked on the door.

"Izzie?" she asked. "Can I talk to you?"

There was no reply at first. Meredith guessed that Izzie was afraid to talk to her. After a moment, Izzie said, "Yeah, come in." 

Meredith opened the door. Izzie did not look at her, still ashamed of what she did. Meredith sat down opposite of her on her bed, and Izzie looked up at her, expecting more criticism.

Mer seemed to think about her words for a moment. "If what you want is to…not talk about this, then I'll respect that because it's not my choice. I do understand where you're coming from, even though I don't want to. I'd probably do the same thing. But if you ever do want to talk about- whatever, you can talk to me."

Izzie was surprised, but she was also pleased.

"Thank you," she said. "I'm sorry I'm like this-"

"Like I said, I'd probably be the same way," Meredith said. She smiled, and Izzie returned it. Mer stood up.

"Well alright then," she said. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay," Izzie said, and Meredith left the room, shutting the door behind her. Izzie felt bad, making them pretend everything was fine when it wasn't, and they probably wanted to know things too. But she couldn't do it, though she wished she could. At least they understood her. For now. She went to bed, wondering how Mr. Ackerman's surgery would go tomorrow, if he'd get the chance he didn't have.


	12. Chapter 12

Izzie woke up early the next morning so she could go in and see Mr. Ackerman before his surgery. She told herself everything was going to be just fine and she had no reason to worry. This was his best chance. The chance she didn't have.

She went into his room and was glad to see him awake. He seemed glad to see her too.

"So today's the big day," she said. "How're you feeling?"

"Nervous," he said. "But that I can't help."

"No," she agreed. "But it'll be worth it."

"Yes, it will," he said. "How long will the surgery take?"

"I don't really know," she said. "We'll find out when we get there."

"But you won't be in the room," he said.

She smiled sadly. "No, but I'll be watching from above in the gallery. So I'll still be there."

The truth was she really didn't want to see the surgery. She wanted to stay far enough away, so she wouldn't have to imagine what was going on inside of her.

Cristina came in. she looked at Izzie for a moment, then said, "Mr. Ackerman, I have to prep you for surgery now."

"Dr, Yang will be in there with you," Izzie said. Mr. Ackerman smiled. She could tell he'd rather have her in there then Cristina.

"So I guess I'll see you after the surgery," Izzie told him, squeezing his hand assuringly. "Everything's going to be fine."

He nodded. "I'll see you after the surgery."

She smiled again and left the room. Mr. Ackerman looked at Cristina.

"Do you think that the surgery will go fine?"

She stared at him for a moment, then said, "Yes, I do."

He looked much more assured, even though Cristina wasn't one hundred percent honest.

On her way down the hall Izzie ran into Bailey. She wondered if any of the others had said anything to her.

"So they know now," Bailey said, confirming Izzie's thoughts.

"They told you?" Izzie asked exasperatedly.

"They just wanted some more answers, and didn't want to ask you. They said they couldn't."

"Well- I didn't say they couldn't," Izzie said slowly.

"But you said you didn't want them to."

"Yeah," Izzie admitted.

"Then I guess they have the right to ask me questions," Bailey said. "You can't just say 'I'm dying of cancer' without much detail."

"I thought I gave them all the details they needed."

"They are doctors, you know. They have more questions than a non medical informed person would."

"I guess so," Izzie said.

"But it's a good thing," Bailey said. "They deserve it, as I told you weeks ago."

She walked away with that, making Izzie feel guilty, which was what Bailey meant to do.

"I talked to Izzie last night," Meredith told George. "I told her that if she didn't want to talk about it, then she didn't have to."

"Good," George said. "Well it's good for her. She really doesn't like to open up about it. She will, sometimes. But not often."

"I understand why she got upset that one time I talked to her," Meredith said, "when I was talking about being a resident or whatever."

"She's not going to be one," George said.

That left an awkward silence between them, for it was a strange thing to hear, or to even think about. It was hard to see the future without Izzie in it. It didn't seem right.

"That Mr. Ackerman's surgery is today," Meredith said instead, not wanting to talk anymore about the subject they unwittingly brought up.

"Yeah," George replied gratefully. "I'm going to watch that with Izzie."

"I might too if I have the time," Meredith said. "She really wants him to get through the surgery."

"I know," George said.

"But it's so risky-"

"And it's his only chance," George cut her off.

"Yeah," Meredith sighed. "I wish they could do something for her."

"Me too, trust me," he said grimly. "But…they can't. And that's that."

Meredith said nothing. George paused then said disbelievingly, " It's kinda funny, you know. I lost my father to cancer, and now I'm going to lose Izzie to it too."

Mer looked at him but said nothing, unsure of what exactly to say.

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Izzie watched from the gallery as they prepared for the surgery to start. She could see Mr. Ackerman down there, looking scared but determined. She admired his bravery. He had bravery that she didn't have.

George came in and sat down next to her. He looked down into the room too.

"They almost ready?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said. "They're just about to put him under." She looked at George. "Do you think it's too risky?"

"I think it's the best chance he has," he said.

She nodded. "Than you for saying that."

"Okay," he said. "Why aren't you down there too?"

She shrugged. "I just…I don't know. I just didn't want to be."

He figured why she didn't want to be down there; she just didn't want to see it, even though she'd seen it before. It's different when you find out that you're like that too. And of course he was right. That was exactly how she felt, but she didn't want to admit it.

"Okay Mr. Ackerman," Cristina said to him down in the OR. "We have to put you under now."

"Okay," he said, taking a deep breath. "I'm ready."

He looked up into the gallery. He seen Izzie, and she smiled at him, which made him feel much more confidant, just knowing that she was there.

"Meredith said she might stop in too," George said to Izzie.

"Alright," she said, not looking at him but instead down in the OR as they gave Mr. Ackerman the anesthesia.

George watched too. He also hoped that Mr. Ackerman made it through the surgery, for him, and also for Izzie.

Meredith came in a little while after they started and sat down on Izzie's other side. "So they already started, I see."

"Yeah," said Izzie. "It's going okay so far."

Mer looked at her but didn't say anything. She felt the same way that George did. She looked away from Izzie down into the operating room.

"Was it you that talked to Bailey?" Izzie asked her, tearing her gaze away from the OR below. Meredith looked at her, looking worried and guilty. George looked at her too.

"I'm sorry," Mer said quickly. "I just wanted to know-"

"It's okay," Izzie assured her.

"It is?" Meredith said in relief.

"Yeah. You have the right to ask questions. I'm sorry I couldn't answer them for you. Well, that I didn't answer them for you. I could have."

"I didn't want to ask you," Mer said.

"I know," Izzie said. "So what exactly did you ask her?"

Meredith looked uncomfortable. "Nothing really. Just…little things, that's all."

Izzie nodded but didn't reply. George and Meredith looked at each other. They sat in silence for some time, watching the surgery below, each thinking their own thoughts on the same question.

Then it happened. Something went wrong with the surgery and the monitors started to go off. Izzie stood up quickly to see what was going on. She watched in fear as they brought out the difibulater.

"No," she said at once. George and Meredith stood up too. They watched them try the paddles several times, but there was no change. Then they stopped.

"No," Izzie said again, and ran out of the room.

"Izzie!" Meredith called after her, but George said, "I got this," and followed her out. Meredith looked back down in the OR.

George caught up with Izzie just as she reached the OR. He grabbed her before she could walk in.

"Izzie don't," he said firmly. She tried desperately to pull away from him.

"Let me go George, I can't let them do this-"

"There's nothing they or you can do," he said firmly. "I'm sorry."

"_No_!" she cried, and she pulled herself free but didn't run. He saw tears fill her eyes, and she leaned against the wall, putting her hands over her face.

"Izzie," he said sadly.

"It's my fault-"

"It's not your fault-"

"I told him to have the surgery-"

"And that was his best option-"

"Really," she said sarcastically. "Tell that to him now."

He didn't know what to say, so he put his arms around her. She let him do so, and put her head on his shoulder. She let the tears and feelings come, as they stood there for sometime, for she did not know what else to do.


	13. Chapter 13

Thank you everyone who has been reviewing, it means a lot. This story is getting hard for me to write, so if you have any ideas I'd love to hear them. I hope you've enjoyed it so far and enjoy it to the end.

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George found Cristina later that day, after Izzie had calmed down and left. She wanted him to ask Cristina about the surgery, so for her he did.

"Hey, Cristina," George said when he finally found her at the nurses' station. She turned around.

"What?" she asked.

"What happened with the surgery?" he asked quietly.

"What do you think, it was a risky surgery from the start," Cristina said. She paused. "Is Izzie alright with it?"

"No," he said, which was the obvious answer. "I think she needed this as much as he did, you know."

"Yeah," Cristina sighed. "But she knew the odds."

"And they were bad, but there was a chance," he said. "A chance is all she needed to hear."

Cristina almost said yeah again but stopped herself. "Well I hope she'll be okay with it, later at least."

"She won't, you know that," he said. "She's not going to forget about it."

"I didn't say that she'd forget about it-"

"I don't think you really know what you're saying."

She looked at him and sighed. "I don't know what I'm saying."

He noticed Callie watching him. As soon as she caught his eye she hurried away. He almost went after her, but stopped himself, because he was sure that she had no intention of talking to him.

Meredith came up to them. "How's Izzie?" she asked George.

"As well as you can expect," he said.

"I'm sorry that had to happen," Meredith said. "She was really hopeful about this surgery. Where is she anyway?"

George shrugged. "She said she wanted some time alone."

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Across the street, Izzie walked into Joe's, wanting to escape everything. She sat down but didn't say anything.

"You're here early," Joe said.

"Yeah, well I had a bad day," Izzie said sullenly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Joe asked cautiously.

Izzie was silent for a moment. "I lost a patient," she said, looking at her hands.

"I'm sorry," Joe said consolingly.

"Thanks," Izzie said. "I just…really wanted him to get through it, you know? I wanted for there to be proof that people can fight, that it doesn't always win. You know what I mean?"

"Yes," he said, though he was unsure.

Someone came in and sat down next to her. She looked over. It was Alex.

"I thought you were working," she said, looking down.

"Well I'm not now," he said. "I heard about your patient. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too," she sighed.

"Nothing's your fault," he said, and she looked at him again. "It was a risk from the start, even though it was his best option. It's not your fault."

She gave him a small smile. He smiled back. She looked away again.

"At least he doesn't have to wait for it," she said. "Waiting for it…is not fun."

He looked at her but didn't say anything, though he wanted to. He looked at Joe, then said, "Maybe you should go home. I can take you-"

"It's fine," she said at once. "I'll probably go back over anyway. I have to work, you know."

"But if you need some time-"

"I don't need time, Alex," she said, a little meaner than she meant to be. He was just looking out for her, she knew that. But she didn't want him to.

"Okay," he said sighing. "Whatever."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be-" she broke off, coughing. He looked at her. Once she recovered, she continued. "-snappy or anything. I just have a lot on my mind."

He was still looking at her. She looked away from him and coughed again.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concerned. This didn't make her happier, and made her feel guiltier at the same time.

"I'm fine, okay?" she said, standing up. "You ask too many questions."

She turned around and walked away. Alex said good-bye to Joe and followed her out.

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Izzie stayed away from the rest of the group when she returned, not wanting to be harassed anymore. She was standing by herself, looking into the nursery at all the babies, so sweet and innocent. She smiled, thinking of all those years ago when she had a child of her own. Not completely of her own, of course.

Dr. Bailey came up to her, and looked in too. Izzie tried to ignore her.

"Alex came to see me," Bailey said.

"I told him I was fine," Izzie said firmly.

"Well that's good for you," Bailey said, looking at her. "I want you to come with me."

"I'm fine, okay?" Izzie repeated, looking away from the window.

"I'm happy you say you're fine, but I don't care," Bailey said, and Izzie glared at her. "You've been saying you were fine from day one, so I don't know when you're fine and when you're not. If you're fine then prove it to me. Come on."

Izzie looked at her for several more moments, then sighed. She knew she wasn't going to win this fight, so she reluctantly followed Bailey down the hall. Bailey was worried, but tried not to show it any more than Izzie did. This was one of those times that Izzie wished that nobody knew.

The rest of the group sat together for lunch. They all seemed to be willing to talk about the same subject, at least until Izzie arrived.

"Where has she been anyway?" Meredith asked, looking at George. "I haven't seen her since this morning."

"I don't know," George said. "I'm guessing she wants some time alone."

"Yeah, she does," Alex said. They looked at him. "I seen her a little bit ago. She's doing okay, just wanted some time to herself."

He felt like he was turning into her, not telling them he went to Bailey. He knew that Izzie was already unhappy with him, and that she'd be unhappier if he told them anything.

"She was pretty upset," Meredith said sadly. "It's really too bad."

"How is she doing?" Cristina asked George. "I mean, with the…you know."

"Good question," George said. "She doesn't tell me those things."

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The room was quite silent. Izzie was looking at the floor, Bailey standing in front of her.

"I'm sorry," Bailey said sincerely. "It was never a sure thing, you know that. It doesn't always stay the same."

"I know that," Izzie said quietly.

Bailey sighed. She wished more than anything that she could do something to help her, even though she knew she couldn't.

"So what now?" Izzie asked. "So I…?"

Out side in the hall, George asked a nurse at the nurses' station, "Do you know where Dr. Bailey is? I have to give her these results."

"In the room across the hall," the nurse said not looking at him. He thanked her and knocked on the door.

Izzie stopped speaking. She and Bailey looked at the door. George came in, making Izzie's heart drop.

"Sorry Dr. Bailey, but…."

His voice trailed away as he looked from her to Izzie, who would not look at him.

"What's going on?" he asked frowning.

"Nothing," Izzie said. "Just a check up."

"No, it's not," Bailey said. Izzie looked at her.

"You really need to stop with this lying thing," was all Bailey had to say, and she walked out of the room so Izzie and George could speak alone.

George looked at her, waiting for her to speak.

"What's going on?" he asked again, more firmly.

She finally looked at him, her eyes sparkling with tears.

"Izzie-?"

"I don't have four months left, George," she said, and looked away from him as he stared at her in disbelief.


	14. Chapter 14

They stopped in front of the locker room door. She seemed to be fighting the impulse to run away.

"Are you ready?" George asked.

After a moment she nodded. He nodded too and opened the door. She walked in before him, afraid and surprised that she was doing this. George followed her in. she found Meredith, Cristina and Alex. They all looked around at them.

"Hey," Meredith said.

"Hi," George said, but Izzie said nothing. Alex was looking at her.

"I- I have to talk to you," she said quietly without looking at them.

"What did she say?" Alex asked. Cristina and Meredith looked at him. Izzie looked up at him too.

"Yeah, thanks for that," she told him bitterly.

"And I'm guessing that you're really thanking me for it."

She thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, I guess I should."

"What did she say?" Alex asked again.

"What's going on?" Meredith asked, feeling left out.

Izzie looked at each of them before answering as they waited for her to say something.

"I-" she started, but was finding it hard to go any farther. She wasn't used to this truth thing.

"I don't have four months," she finally admitted, looking at her feet.

"What do you mean by that?" Cristina asked.

Alex knew what that meant but didn't say anything. Izzie waited a few moments before speaking again.

"I have…less," she said quietly.

No one said anything, which made her feel more uncomfortable. Se looked up at them. Alex didn't look that surprised, but Meredith and Cristina did. George wasn't looking at her.

"How much less?" Meredith finally asked, breaking the silence.

"They said I probably have eight weeks," Izzie said with difficulty.

They all fell into shocked silence for another few moments. Cristina sighed and looked away. Alex looked at the floor.

"Izzie," Meredith said sadly.

"The cancer has spread too far," Izzie continued. "They said it's time to settle down. It's time to go home. I have to leave."

George was still not looking at her. She could tell he wished not to hear this a second time. At that moment she could feel herself becoming overwhelmed with emotion and could not be there any longer.

"I have to go, I can't be here," she said, and walked out without saying any more. No one followed her out. The room was silent for several moments.

"I went to Bailey, because I was worried," Alex said. "I guess I had a right to be."

"So what now?" Meredith said to no one in particular.

"I think she told you what now," George said, and he sounded angry. "Now this is it. This is it."

He too found himself unable to be there, and followed Izzie's footsteps out. He could not believe that this was happening. Four months had seemed like a long time, a reassuring time. But now it was cut in half, and half of that time he planned to spend with her was gone as quickly as the lifetime he planned spending with her had went. He could not understand why this was happening. Why this was happening again. He did not know if he could do this again.

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Izzie went home by herself. She sat in her dark room, staring out the window without really seeing anything. Things were serious now; things were real. There was no pretending. There was so much she wished that she could do, and her time was getting cut short. She did not want to leave her job, the job she worked so hard for all these years. All of it was just going down the drain now. She was more frightened than she had been so far. She was not expecting her time to be cut in half like this. But it was, and now she had to deal with it.

After a little while she heard Meredith and Alex arrive home. She did not want to talk to them or hear their sympathy. She wanted to wake up from this nightmare that she was living and get back to the life that she was now leaving behind.

She thought about George, and how he was feeling. She could see the look on his face when she told him what was happening. He was scared, and she could see that, though he tried to hide it. She wondered if he'd come to see her tonight, and she was partly hoping that he would, because she really, at that moment, needed him.

But George did not come to see her that night, nor did he try to contact her at all, which made her slightly disappointed. Meredith and Alex both came to check on her, and left her room without much reassurance. Izzie felt guilty and apologized to them the next morning. She went to the hospital with them, but unlike them she was not going there to go to work.

She looked for George before she did anything, but he was nowhere to be found. She gave up after a little while, worried that he was trying to avoid her.

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George watched from a distance as Izzie went in to see the chief. He had kept his distance from her since last night. He could not face her, and he knew it was wrong, and he was disgusted with himself for it. But he could not help it. He needed…time. Time that he did not have.

"Hey George," Meredith said, suddenly appearing at his side, making him jump. "Izzie in with the Chief?"

"Yeah," he said. "She just went in there."

"Being very stalker like, aren't you?" she said. "She's been looking for you."

"Oh," he said. "I didn't know."

Meredith studied him for a moment, then said, "You don't want to see her, do you?"

"Of course I do," he said at once. "I just haven't had the chance."

Meredith said nothing but knew she was right. She looked over into the Chief's office.

"So," he was saying to Izzie, "It's time for you to leave, I hear."

"Yeah," she said. "Unfortunately it is."

She tried to smile but it didn't happen. She looked down.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know it's hard. But it's for the best. You can spend time doing whatever you need now."

"Yeah," she said again; she was not in the talking mood.

"Is there anything you need?" the Chief asked. "Anything I can help you with?"

"No," she said. "Thank you."

As far as she was concerned, their meeting was finished; she did not see any reason for staying there another moment.

"I should go, I have to- clean out my locker and things."

"Alright," he sighed. She turned to walk away.

"You're a great doctor, you know," the Chief said. "You've had your troubles along the way, but we all do. You're great at what you do. We were very lucky to have you here."

Izzie was surprised. She turned around.

"Thank you," she said, fighting back the urge to cry. "It means a lot."

He nodded. "I just thought you ought to know."

"Thank you, for everything," she said, and left the room, unable to say anymore.

"She's coming out now," Meredith said straightening up. "That didn't take very long."

They watched Izzie come out of the room. She stopped once she shut the door, as if she were trying to get herself together. She then walked away, the opposite direction of them

Meredith looked at George, expecting him to go see her, but he stayed where he was.

"Alright," Meredith said. "I'll go check on her. If she lets me talk to her."

She left George standing there. He wanted to follow her, but didn't. Not yet.

"Izzie!" Meredith called as she caught up to her. "Hey, Iz."

Izzie stopped and turned around.

"Yeah?"

"How'd it go?"

"Fine," Izzie said, and smiled. "It's fine. I'm just going to go clean out my locker. I'll meet up with you guys later, okay?"

"Okay," Meredith said sighing. Izzie went to turn away, but stopped.

"Have you seen George?"

"Only for a minute, he was busy," Meredith lied. "He'll talk to you later, once he's free."

"Oh. Okay." Meredith could tell that Izzie thought she was lying. She went towards the locker room, wondering why George suddenly did not want to speak to her.

_But I know_, she thought. _It's the whole reason_ _I didn't want to tell anyone. He's afraid to be around me now. He feels uncomfortable around me. I knew this would happen_.

She found herself in front of the locker room already. She opened the door and went in.

She expected it to be empty, but it wasn't. Callie was in there.

They looked at each other a long time. Izzie was afraid of what Callie had to say to her. She tried ignoring her and went to her locker.

"Are you leaving?" Callie asked.

"Yes," Izzie said. "I am, if that makes you happy."

Callie looked at her, but Izzie busied herself looking through her locker.

Callie had no idea what to say to her. She hated her but felt bad for her at the same time, and it confused her greatly. She did not know how to talk to her, let alone what it would be.

"So this is…it, then? You're leaving leaving?"

"Yes, I'm leaving leaving," Izzie responded. "My time's up here, so that's it for me. I'm throwing it all away now." She shut her locker and gathered her things. "Not that you care or anything."

Callie wanted to say that she did care, because no matter how much she'd ever hate her, she wouldn't wish this upon her. But she couldn't say it, so she let Izzie leave without ever responding to her. That was the last time that she ever talked to Izzie.

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Izzie did not speak to George until before she left. She looked for him all day, and just when she was on her way out, she was able to corner him.

He was by himself in the hallway, looking through some papers. She came up from behind, so he would not see her and try to walk away.

"George," she said, making him jump and turn around quickly.

"Hi," he said awkwardly.

"You've been avoiding me all day."

"I haven't been avoiding you-"

"Really."

He looked at her for a moment, and knew that she knew he was lying. He looked away.

"Can't even look at me," she said, and that made him feel worse.

"I-" he looked back at her, but had no idea what to say. He had avoided her, and he couldn't explain why.

"I'm sorry," he said instead.

"It's alright," she said. "I understand. It's fine."

"No-"

"I have to go home, now," she said, cutting him off. "I don't work here anymore."

"Izzie, don't," he said, but she ignored him and walked away. She spoke to no one on her way out. As she walked out the doors into the parking lot, she looked back at the hospital. She couldn't believe that she was leaving it for good.


	15. Chapter 15

Izzie went home that night feeling extremely alone. She could just imagine what these next two months were going to be like. She wondered how long it would take George to want to talk to her again. She did not think she could go very far without George by her side. She shouldn't have told him. She shouldn't have told any of them. Now she was getting the result that she had feared, and did not know how to deal with it.

George did not know how to deal with it either. He wanted nothing more than to be there for Izzie. She deserved that, and she needed that, needed him. He just had to figure out what he was going to do, and how he was going to deal with this. It hurt him to see her like this, because it was not who she was. She was not the best friend he had had all this time, and she was not the girl he fell in love with. That girl was already gone, and not coming back. And he did not know how to handle it.

He had thought about it for a long time after Izzie left, and eventually made up his mind to go see her. If she even wanted to see him. He did not blame her if she didn't. But he went to the house anyway, riding home with Meredith. She said nothing to him about his avoidance of Izzie, for she knew that was on his mind and he was trying to figure out what to do. When they arrived home, George hesitated for a moment before going to see her.

"Just go George, it'll be fine," Meredith told him. "She wants you to talk to her."

He sighed and nodded. He went upstairs and knocked on her door.

"It's me," he announced.

He was worried that she was going to ignore him (but was he really?) when she said, "Okay, come in."

He gathered himself up and opened the door. He stood in the doorway for a moment as they stared at each other. He could tell she was about as afraid as he was.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi," he responded.

"You can come in."

"Oh." He stepped in and shut the door. He sat down at the end of her bed.

"I was avoiding you," he admitted.

Her heart beat quickly. "Yeah, I figured that out."

"I know," he said. "And I'm sorry. I know it's not the nicest or most assuring thing to do."

"No," she agreed.

"I- I don't know what to say," he said. "There was four months, and now there isn't and I just wasn't expecting it. I thought I had all this time with you and now…I don't."

"You have to realize I'm thinking the same thing," she pointed out.

"I know," he sighed. "I guess you're just better at it than I am."

"Not really," she said. "I'm living this, you know. I'm terrified. And I can't do this without you."

He nodded and tried to smile, but it didn't work. He felt tears stinging in his eyes.

"George."

He shook his head but didn't say anything. It didn't seem right, her comforting him; he felt it should be the other way around. But still she put his arms around him, and he felt the tears run down his face. He was ashamed, but he could not help it. His best friend was dying, and he couldn't do anything about that either.

"I can't do this without you either," he said quietly.

Izzie had to fight back her own tears; she could not believe that she was doing this to him. It wasn't her fault, that was true. But it was still because of her, and that was all she needed to feel guilty.

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George stayed the night there. Neither he nor Izzie told Meredith anything except that they were okay now, though she pried them for more. Izzie felt weird, watching her friends get ready for work, knowing that she wasn't going to go with them. She felt left out, left behind. She could tell that they weren't happy to leave her by herself either, but they had no choice.

"Are you sure you'll be alright here by yourself?" Meredith asked, not for the first time. "We could ask Bailey if-"

"I told you, it's fine," Izzie said again, also not for the first time.

"Well, you can call any of us if you need anything."

"I'm a big girl, Meredith, I can take care of myself."

She smiled. "Alright. We leave you alone now."

"Have fun," Alex said as he followed Mer out the door.

"Oh I will," Izzie called after him.

George didn't follow them. He stood in front of the door, looking uncertain.

"I'll be alright, George," she said in what she hoped was an assuring voice. "Go, before you're late."

"Okay," he said, but still looked uncomfortable.

"You realized I'll be doing this for the next two months, right?"

He smiled. "Yeah. Alright, I'll go. You know where I am."

"I do, I've been there enough times," she said as he walked out the door. "Bye."

He said good-bye and got in the car with the others, who were waiting for him. She shut the door, found herself in a very empty house, by herself. This was how it was going to be. She'd be by herself everyday, to wait for her death. How depressing was that. It was like they were moving on already.

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George ran into Callie on the way in the hospital. He wondered if she wanted to speak to him or not. He found out when she walked up to him.

"I talked to Izzie yesterday," she said. "So she's gone now?"

"She's left the hospital," George said; he didn't like the sound of she's gone now.

"Yeah, that's what I meant," Callie said. She paused. "So have you two…?"

"No," he said. She nodded.

"So what about us?"

"What about us?"

"Are we- are we done?"

He stared at her for several moments. He did not want to tell her the truth, even though she was expecting it. He did not want to hurt her. But he could not lie. It was not fair to either of them.

"I think so," he managed to say at last.

After a moment she nodded.

"You're sure?"

He sighed and looked away. "We'd be living a lie. That's not a way to live. You don't deserve it. You're a great person, and anyone will be lucky to have you. You deserve better than what I can give you."

She looked like she wanted to cry, but she did not. She wanted him to want her. She'd even live the lie for a while if she had to, and wait for him to choose her. But it wasn't going to happen. It was the end.

"Okay," she said. "That's it."

"Yeah, that's it."

They stared at each other awkwardly, wondering why they ended up there. George didn't understand how he went from being happily married one day, to falling in love with Izzie the next. But that was life. What happened happened.

Meredith and Cristina watched them, trying to figure out what was going on.

"It looks serious," Cristina said. "Do you think it's over?"

"Well he's been sleeping at my house, so it may very well be so," Meredith said. "I wonder what went so wrong?"

"Does it have to do with Izzie?" Cristina suggested. "Maybe he's been ignoring her or something."

"I don't know," Meredith said.

"So how is she?" Cristina asked.

"Izzie? She's doing alright. I felt bad leaving her home alone like that."

"I couldn't imagine not being able to be a surgeon anymore," Cristina said. "I'd go crazy."

"Well let's hope she doesn't," Meredith said. "Oh look, he's coming-"

She and Cristina looked away innocently. George looked at them as he went past.

"Don't ask," he said to Meredith, and continued on his way.

"Yeah," Cristina said once he was gone. "It's over."

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Izzie looked out the window, as if waiting for someone to come. The quiet of the house was not comforting. She felt so isolated from everything. She knew that she wouldn't be able to spend the whole two months living like this everyday.

Her mind wandered, thinking about all the things that she ever wanted to do, all the people she'd ever met, all the mistakes that she had made. She felt like there was still things that she had to do, that she still had a life that she had to live. Two things came across her mind in particular. And both of those things, she felt she still had time to do. One would be easier than the other. Actually, she thought, it depended how you looked at it. But no matter what, she had to do those to things before she was able to do no more.

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She made up her mind the next morning. She did not care what anyone said; she had to leave, for the time being. There are some things that you just have to do. She didn't tell anyone where she was going, or that she was even going anywhere; all they would do was try to talk her out of it. She packed her own things, addressed a note to them, and left by herself, her mind set and ready to do what she needed.


	16. Chapter 16

Izzie did not know if what she was doing was right or not, or if it would give her any closure or not. There was a good chance that things would not be in her favor anyway. But she had to, or at least she felt she had to. She wondered what George and the others were going to say when they came home and she wasn't there. She hadn't said how long she'd be gone, because she really didn't know the answer. Not too long, of course. Just long enough to do what she had to do.

It was ridiculous, going all this way when she wasn't even sure it would pay off. It was a waste of her time that she didn't have. Of course, sitting at home staring at the ceiling was a waste of time too. At least she was out doing something. Otherwise she'd go crazy.

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George had not given Izzie the news of his break up with Callie. He wanted to, and he was sure that she'd be happy (guilty but happy), but he still didn't tell her. It was as if he was waiting for the right time. But, he told himself, now was the right time. Just because of the fact that there was no time. He made up his mind; he would tell her the next day.

When he left in the morning he still hadn't told her. He figured he'd wait until tonight, when things were calmer. At least he made that his excuse for not telling her. Little did he know, when he came home to tell her, she would not be there to hear it.

He came home with Meredith and Alex, determined. Meredith did not question him about his personal life (not yet), and he was glad. He did not know if he wanted her or anyone else to know about him and Izzie.

The car was not there. George's enthusiasm faded. At was if it was a sign.

"Izzie must've gotten tired of sitting in the house already," Mer said, leading the way into the house.

"I would be too," Alex said.

George said nothing. He looked around and noticed a note.

"Well she left us something," he said, picking it up and reading it. Meredith and Alex watched, waiting for him to say something. He did not.

"Well where'd she go?" Mer asked at last, inpatient.

George looked at her.

"She left."

"Well that's obvious-"

"No. She _left_."

Meredith and Alex stared at him. Alex grabbed the note and he and Meredith read it together. Mer sighed.

"She can't leave and go off somewhere by herself," George said, snatching it back. "She's supposed to be here, that's why she left work."

"If there's something she has to do, then there's something she has to do," Meredith said. "We can't keep her from doing anything. Sometimes you just have to do things."

"But-"

"She'll be fine," Alex said. "She can take care of herself."

George stared at them in disbelief.

"She's sick," he said, not understanding why they seen this as no big deal.

"Which is why she has to do this," Meredith said calmly. "Don't get me wrong, I'm worried about her too. But there's nothing we can do except wait for her to come back."

"And how long am I supposed to wait?" George said, wishing he had told her this morning about him and Callie.

"Until she comes back," Mer said. "I don't know, what do you think that she'd have to- or want to do?"

One thing came to his mind. And he was quite right.

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She looked down at the slip of paper she had in her hand, and then up at the house that she was in front of. She was very nervous; the last time she tried this she was just disappointed. If she still didn't want to, then she would leave and get on with everything. But just incase…for both of their sake.

She got out of the car. She looked up at the house one last time and walked up the walkway. She looked at the name on the door: _Klein_.

She rang the doorbell, taking a deep breath. After a moment, someone answered the door. The woman looked at her in surprise.

"I know I shouldn't come here unannounced," Izzie said at once. "I just- I just wanted to come and see Hannah- because I'm- I'm-"

She stopped and took a breath again. Caroline Klein looked at her in shock, like she couldn't believe she was standing there.

"I'm sorry," Izzie said, wishing she hadn't come. "I'll just go-"

"No, don't," Caroline said quickly. "I'm sorry. I was just…surprised, that's all. So what's going on? Are you alright?"

Izzie smiled at her. "Not really. But I'm…not going to be here much longer, so I was really hoping to see her before I…left."

Caroline looked her up and down, then moved out of the way. "Come in. I'll go talk to her." 

"How is she?" Izzie asked.

"She's doing good," Caroline smiled. "I suppose we can thank you for that."

She left her alone in the room. Izzie looked around the house. She could see pictures of the family together, the family that was partly hers too.

She sat down, not believing that she was actually here, in the house where her daughter grew up. And what was more, she may have a chance to speak to her, for the first, and probably the last time.

After a few minutes Caroline came back into the room. "She's upstairs," she said. "Her room's the first one on the right."

Izzie stared at her. "She's letting me see her?"

"Yes, she is."

This blew Izzie away; she hardly expected that she'd get this chance. Her heart beat quickly, and she was suddenly afraid."

"You can go ahead."

"Yeah, thank you," Izzie said gratefully. She followed where Caroline had shown her to go. She was getting more nervous every step she took. She did not know if she was ready for this.

After a moment of hesitation, she knocked on her daughter's bedroom door. The voice that answered seemed to hesitate too; but once Izzie heard her speak, it was the most beautiful voice she'd ever heard.

"Come in," she heard Hannah say.

Alright, this is it, Izzie thought to herself. She turned the knob and opened the door.

The girl did not look at her at first. Izzie figured that Hannah was as afraid as she was. She looked up at her. Izzie smiled, and Hannah smiled back.

"Hi," Izzie said.

"Hi," Hannah said back.

They looked at each other for several moments. You'd think after all those years they'd have something to say. But it wasn't that easy.

"I'm sorry to bother you," Izzie said.

"It's alright," Hannah replied.

"My name's Isobel," Izzie said. "I'm-"

"I know w ho you are," Hannah said.

"Yeah, I suppose you do." There was a moment of silence.

"I should thank you," Hannah said, "for what you did for me. I'm here because of you."

Izzie smiled. "I'm more than happy to help. I mean…."

Her voice trailed off.

"Why did you come so suddenly?" Hannah asked. "It was really a surprise."

"I was just in the neighborhood," Izzie said. "And I'm- going to be leaving, so this would be my last chance to meet you, and I thought…that it would be good."

"You aren't coming back?"

"No."

"Where are you going?"

"That's a good question."

The girl looked confused. "So you're leaving, but you don't know where you're going? That doesn't make sense."

"It doesn't," Izzie agreed. "I'm-" she looked at her, and knew that she could say it. "I'm sick."

"Oh," Hannah said. "I know how that is."

"Yeah," Izzie said, and she had to fight back tears that were threatening her.

"I'm sorry," Hannah said. "Are you going to get better?"

Izzie looked at her. "No, I'm not."

Hannah seemed to understand now. "So that's why you came."

"That's why I'm came."

"I'm glad you did."

"You are?"

Hannah smiled. "Yes, I am. I just wish I could help you, like you helped me."

This time Izzie was not able to stop the tears. She looked away.

"You did help me. By just letting me see you. You're a beautiful girl. I'm proud of you."

"I wish I met you sooner. I'm sorry I couldn't when I was at the hospital. I-"

"It's alright," Izzie said at once. "I understand completely. I'm glad that you're doing better now. It makes me believe that there is a chance, that it isn't the end. That people do win the fight."

"I'm glad that makes you feel better," Hannah said. "It makes me feel better too."

Izzie nodded and smiled. "Thank you for this."

"Thanks to you too."

Izzie hesitated a moment, then went to the girl whose eyes were the same as hers, the girl she could see herself in. she gave her daughter a hug for the first time in her life, and at that moment she forgot all about being sick, and was truly happy.


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning George went to see Bailey. He was still worried about the idea of Izzie being out somewhere by herself, especially when they didn't even know where she had went to, or when she was coming back. He did not want to think about how much time they were losing.

He found Bailey in her clinic. He went up behind her.

"Dr. Bailey?"

"What is it O'Malley?" she asked tiredly.

"It's Izzie," he said. She looked at him. "She left."

"Left where?"

"I don't know," he said, and she could tell he was very worried about this. "She left us a note saying she had some things she had to do, and she left. Didn't tell us where she was going or when she'd come back."

"Did you try calling her?"

"Yes, but she won't answer."

"Well then she obviously doesn't want to talk to you."

"But- she can't just leave like that-"

"I was under the impression that she already did."

George looked at her the same way he looked at Alex and Meredith the night before. Why wasn't anybody else worried?

"Look, George. She'll come back. You just have to give her some time."

"She doesn't have time," George said rather harshly.

Bailey sighed. "You have every right to be worried about her. And yes, there's a chance that she won't be alright-" George did not look happy when she said this "- but there's nothing we can do until she comes back. I'm sure if she needs anything, she'll get a hold of someone. She isn't stupid, she can take care of herself. You just have to trust her for now."

He looked down. "She just found out she has two months. The cancer is spreading into her lungs and-"

"And she knows that," Bailey said, "which is why she'd leave. You know her, where do you think she would've gone?"

He'd thought about this ever since last night. He wasn't sure. There were so many things he still did not know about. He'd only just found out a few months ago she had a daughter. If she could hide that, who knew what else she could hide from him.

"I don't know, anywhere," he said desperately. "So I'm just supposed to sit here and wait until she comes back?"

"I'm glad you understand now," Bailey said, and left him with that.

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Izzie felt much better after her meeting with her daughter. She couldn't believe that she'd actually got to meet her. She'd wanted to so much, and now it was done, and it was something she would feel better about for the rest of her whole two months.

She had one more thing she wanted to do. She did not know if it was right; it was very far out of her way, and would take enough time that she could not afford to waste. But she did not think that it would be a waste. It was another thing she had to do, so she could rest easy.

She decided to indeed go. She thought about calling someone, to let them know she was fine, but decided to wait. She did not want to hear any of their complaints. She was going, and that was that. So she headed on her way, for what she knew was going to be a long trip.

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She was glad to be out. It was peaceful, and calming, and she felt free. She was not used to getting in her car and taking off, but it was a nice change. The way was long, and she took many stops along the way. When she reached her destination. It was already night, and she decided to wait until the next morning.

She checked in to a small cheap hotel for the night. It wasn't the most comfortable place, but it was good enough. She was exhausted from the driving, with nothing to do. She fell asleep in no time, which often did not happen to her, especially when she had a lot on her mind. And tonight, she did. She could not believe that she had really come all that way. But she did, and she was ready.

When she woke up the next morning, she felt like she'd gotten to sleep at all. She wanted nothing more but to stay in bed for the rest of the day, but she knew that she couldn't. She sighed and stared at the ceiling. She wondered about George and what he was thinking. She thought about it for a moment, then picked up her purse and started to rummage through it. She finally found she cell phone and took it out. She opened it and dialed George's number.

Back in Seattle, George woke with a start as he heard his phone go off. He looked at the clock and groaned. It was too early for people to call him.

"What?" he said, half awake when he answered it. Izzie smiled.

"Did I wake you?"

"As a matter a fact, you-"

His voice faded as he tried to figure out the voice who was talking to him on the other end, and why it seemed so important. His mind finally clicked.

"Izzie!" he said, sitting up quickly. "What- where are you? Where have you been? I've been going crazy-"

"Slow down one thing at a time," she said, still not awake herself.

"Where are you?" he asked again.

"In a hotel," she said.

"I mean _where_ are you? I've been going crazy here, have you realized how long you've been gone? Why can't you have called me, or anything?"

She wanted to point out that she said one thing at a time, but didn't. "I didn't want you to stop me from leaving."

"Well I'd have a right to try," he said indignantly. "You cant just run off like this. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine George. I've been fine."

"Are you lying? Because-"

"George calm down," she said. "I'm fine, and I'm going to head home in a little while. I just need to do something first."

"What?" he asked.

"Just something."

"So you'll be home tonight?"

"I highly doubt that, it's a long ride. But I'll be home soon, so you don't have to worry anymore, okay?"

"Why can't you just tell me where you are?"

"Because that's not for you to know. But I have to go, I have to get moving."

"This early?" he asked. "Not that I'm complaining."

"It's not that early," she said, looking outside. Then she realized there was a definite time difference between here and Seattle.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize the time was that different. I'm just slow this morning. I should've called later."

"I don't care," he said. "I've been wanting to hear from you. So you're coming home."

"Yes."

"And you're alright."

"I'm fine."

"Okay." He did not want to hang up the phone, but he knew that he should, so she could do whatever she had to and get home. "Just be careful."

"I will. Goodbye."

"Bye," he said rather sadly, which made her feel guilty. She hung up the phone and sighed. She got out of bed, ready to get the day over with.

George sat his phone down. He was glad that she called him, so he at least was assured that she was okay. But now he just wished that she would come home. He did not like her being gone. With that, he wondered how he was going to deal with it when he realized that pretty soon, she wasn't going to come home.

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She arrived at her destination a little under an hour later. She sat in her car for some time, trying to get ready for what she was going to do. Once she gathered all the strength she could, she got out of the car, slammed the door shut, and walked forwards.

She was afraid, being in this place. She'd always been afraid, since she was a kid, as most people were. She walked around for a couple minutes before she found what she was looking for. Her heart skipped a beat.

She stopped in front of the polished rock that bared her late fiancée's name. She had thought about coming here so many times before. Now she was afraid, and felt out of place. Everything else around her seemed to vanish, so it was just her and the name Denny Duquette staring her down.

"Um-" she said awkwardly; she felt stupid, talking to someone when no one was there. "I- I really don't know what I'm doing here. Well I do, but I just can't believe that I am."

She looked around, then kneeled down. "I can't believe I'm here. I came all this way because…because I think about you, all the time. I think about what life would have been like if you were here. I think about how I was always there for you when you needed me, and now here I am, and you're not. That's not your fault, I know that. I just wish that you were here with me, because I need someone who'd stay with me everyday, someone who'd never leave me alone. You wouldn't. The others, they would be there if they could, I know that. But they can't. And…"

She sighed. "I never got to say goodbye to you," she said, her voice getting caught in her throat. "And I'm sorry. I should have been there. I should have done so many things. But I didn't, and I've had to live with that. It was like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. I felt like I had lost everything. I didn't think that I would ever be able to get through it. I did, of course. And now, after everything I've been through, I'm standing here telling you the goodbye I never got to say because it's my turn now. Now it's my turn to leave this world behind. I always got so angry with you when you said that you were tired of living the way you were, that you wanted it just to be over. But now I understand. I wish this would all be over. I'm tired of living this life everyday. And I hope-" she paused for a moment, until she could speak again "- I hope that I'll be able to see you again. Maybe we can have our happily ever after that we never got to have."

That was one thing that was often on her mind. The thought of seeing Denny again. It made things so much easier.

"I love you," she said. "And I miss you. And I hope to see you soon."

She felt that her time was up here. She stood up and looked at the name that she might be carrying at this moment if things had been different. She sighed, feeling relief upon her. It felt good to get everything off her chest.

"Goodbye," she said, and turned her back on the grave and walked back to her car, ready to go home.


	18. Chapter 18

Thank you for all the reviews you've been leaving. It really helps me. If you have any more ideas, let me know. This story will come to an end pretty soon, and I've been having trouble writing it lately. So please tell me what you think, and I hope you enjoy the chapter. Thank you again! Rosalie

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When Izzie arrived home, she was both physically and mentally exhausted. But she was also satisfied. She had done everything she had wished she could do. She met her daughter, and said goodbye to her fiancé. She was glad to be home, though she did not know what was next. She knew what was at the end, but on the way there, she had no idea what she was going to do.

Before she even went home, she stopped at the hospital to let her friends know she was back. It was weird, going back into the hospital with no intention of working there. She felt like it had been ages since she had even been there. It wasn't the same anymore. It was just a hospital now, and nothing more. People looked at her as she walked past. She figured that everyone knew by now. At least she wasn't there to here it.

She found George at the nurses' station, looking through some charts. She came up behind him.

"Hi," she said.

He jumped and turned around. He stared at her for several moments, as though he forgot who she was. She smiled. She looked exhausted but pleased.

"Izzie," he said happily, and threw his arms around her, almost knocking her to the ground. "I swear I thought you weren't coming back- I was so worried, you were gone for so long-"

"I'm fine, George," she said as he let go of her. She smiled again and said, "I told you I'd be back soon."

"I left her," he said before he could stop himself; the words just sort of fell out of his mouth. "Callie."

"You left her," Izzie repeated.

"I did," he said. "And it's alright. Everything's all right. She took it well, as far as I know. And now…."

"And now what?" she asked.

He looked at her, as though he expected her to know exactly what he was talking about. And she did.

"I don't know George. I mean, you know it will never really be something, and I-"

"It already is something. We both know that."

She looked at him. As much as she wanted to be with him, she also didn't think it was the best idea. Her time was running out fast, and it wouldn't last long. It was too late to start now. But he was right. There already was something. But did that change things? No, it didn't. It still wouldn't work out.

"Let me prove it to you," he said, and moved in closer and kissed her. She did not fight him. After everything that just went through her mind, she should have. But that all seemed to disappear, and everything was just the way it was supposed to be. Everything was perfect.

And then common sense did come over her and she broke apart from him.

"What?" he asked, looking disappointed.

"You realize we're standing in the middle of the hall," she pointed out, but didn't look away from him. He stared at her for a moment, then looked around them. People were indeed looking at them in surprise. What was worse, Meredith and Cristina were not too far down the hall, looking completely shocked. Izzie finally looked away to see what he was staring at.

"Hi," she said awkwardly. "I'm back."

They still stared at them. Other people went on their way, whispering as they did so. George and Izzie looked at each other.

"Do you know what?" she said, smiling. "I haven't been home yet. I should go-"

"You can't leave me alone here with them-"

"No, you're not."

Meredith and Cristina came over, looking for an explanation. Neither George nor Izzie looked at them.

"What's going on?" Meredith asked them, looking from one to the other.

"I think we know what's going on," Cristina said.

"Yes, but I want them to say it."

"George and I," Izzie started awkwardly, but didn't know exactly what to say after that. They hadn't planned on anyone knowing about them.

"We're- kind of-" George added, but didn't finish either.

"That's why you and Callie quit it," Cristina said. "You were running around with Izzie."

"That's one way to put it, I guess," Izzie said uncomfortably.

"How long has this been going on?" Meredith demanded.

"Not that long," Izzie said. "It was complicated."

George didn't say anything. He was ashamed, even though he had started it.

"Well now you know," Izzie said. "I'm sorry we didn't say anything before. Like I said, it was complicated."

"Because he was married," Cristina said.

Izzie fell silent too. Meredith looked at Cristina, and said, "Alright then. You two. That's…good?"

"Yeah," Izzie said. "I hope. I mean, maybe. I don't know."

Meredith shook her head.

"Well whatever. I guess stranger things have happened."

George and Izzie looked at each other again. They weren't sure if this was a bad thing or not. They still didn't know what they were doing, let alone could they tell someone else.

"I really should go now," she said. "I haven't been home yet, and it's been a long trip."

"Where have you been anyway?" Meredith asked.

"A couple places," Izzie said. "But I'll see you later, alright?"

"Okay," Meredith sighed, and Izzie left them standing there. She and Cristina looked at George instead.

"I- I should go too," he said, and also walked away. Mer and Cristina looked at each other.

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Izzie went home, confused by everything that had happened at the hospital. She didn't know what was good and what was bad. She didn't know if she should do what she wanted or put her feelings aside. She didn't know anything anymore. The only thing she was sure about was that she was dying, and this was it.

She was happy to be home again. Living in cheap hotel rooms and your car isn't the most comfortable thing. As soon as she walked in the house, she threw down her things and sat down on the couch. She put her head back and closed her eyes. It was so relaxing, at least when her mind wasn't preoccupied. Every day that went by she could feel it more and more. It frightened her, because she knew it wasn't going to feel better from here on in. she wished that it would just come now, get it over with, because she didn't like the way her life was. She'd done what she needed to do, and she was grateful for that. But now there was nothing left. Now all she could do was wait.

The next thing she knew, she could hear Meredith saying her name. She sat up quickly, surprised. She must have fallen asleep with no intention to.

"Sorry," Meredith said. "I just wanted to tell you George was here. He wants to talk to you. Did you want to wait?"

"No, it's fine," she said, looking around for the clock. She must have been asleep for hours. She stood up and pushed her hair out of her face.

"Are you happy with him?" Meredith asked quietly.

Izzie looked at her for a moment. "Yes," she said. "I am. But I don't know if we could…I mean, I'm not going to be here. What's the use?"

"You know what's the use," Meredith said wisely. Izzie looked at her, confused, but put it at the back of her mind for the time being. She followed Meredith out of the room. He was waiting by the door, as if he were afraid to come in.

"Hi," Izzie said. Meredith walked away to leave them alone.

"I'm sorry to bother you," he said quickly.

"You're not bothering me."

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"Okay," she said. "Did you want to sit down, or stand here all night?"

"Sit down," he said, and they went back into the living room. "I'm sorry I did that earlier. I didn't mean to. It just sort of happened."

"Yeah," she said. "It's not like I'm disappointed."

He smiled. She waited a moment, then said, "Are you sure about this? I mean I don't think we really should. It's no…."

She did not say it again. She knew what Meredith meant.

"Look," he said seriously. "I know the situation. And I don't care."

"But George, I'm-"

"Sick?" he asked. "Dying? Don't you think I know that by now? I think about it everyday. It's always on my mind, just like it's on yours. But maybe, just for a little while we can have it so you're not sick, you're not dying. You're just Izzie."

She felt guilty when he said this. It made her think of what her illness was doing to him, not just her.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yes," he said. "I don't want to have-"

"Any regrets?" she guessed.

He smiled. "Exactly."

She smiled too. "Okay then," she said.

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She found that she was quite happy with their decision. She wanted to have a normal life. She wanted to live. And she had time. Very short time, and not very good time. But she had time, and that was all they needed.

Meredith accepted them. Whatever made them happy, it was fine with her. It was weird, but as Cristina had said, weirder things had happened. The next morning, George figured he'd try to find a way to cheer Izzie up more. He thought getting her out of the house would be good for her.

"Well what do you like to do?" he asked her as he got ready to leave.

"I don't know," she said. "Whatever, I don't care."

She didn't like her lack of enthusiasm; it just wasn't like her. It just showed how much things were changing. And he didn't like change.

"If you don't want to-" he started, but she cut him off by saying, "No, it's fine. You can just surprise me."

She was just trying to make him feel better, he could tell. It was his turn to feel guilty.

"Okay," he said. "I'll see you later."

"Alright," she said. "Have fun."

"Yeah."

He left. She felt bad; but she did just not want to do anything. It happened to her often. She became afraid at that moment. Because at that moment, she knew that the end was very near.


	19. Chapter 19

The days went by slowly at times, and quickly at others. Everyone was doing whatever they could. Izzie herself was the most determined to keep things as normal as possible. She did not like the way that her friends sometimes looked at her, with a knowing look in their eyes. Almost like they were just waiting for something to happen. They tried to hide this from Izzie, but they did not do a very good job.

George was much like Izzie. He too acted as positively as possible, trying to ignore what was on everybody's mind. He ignored it because it scared him. He could also see it coming; they all could. He would try to take her out for dinner, but she would not eat. He left her asleep in the morning, and she would still be asleep when he went to check on her, which they often did in turns. He started to wonder if she had lied to him about how short her time really was. The symptoms she showed were just too soon for his comfort. Some days she was okay, and some days she was not. On those days when she was not, he often wondered if she was right about them not being together. But the thought did not stay in his mind long; he pushed it away as quick as he could.

Things hadn't been that different between them. There was more, that was true; but there was also less a lot of the time. He told himself that he knew this was coming, that he'd known long enough; but that did not make it easier, because there was always this hope in his mind that there would be some miracle and she'd be okay. And it didn't go away, partly because he did not want it to. It was as if he needed it for some sanity.

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She heard the door open as she was rummaging through the fridge. She sighed and did not go see who it was. A few moments later Cristina came into the kitchen.

"I'm here," she said unenthusiastically.

"It's your turn to baby-sit then," Izzie said. "You don't have to."

"Yes, I do."

"I don't care. Leave if you want, it doesn't matter to me."

"Well I'm already here," Cristina said, and sat down at the table. "So, what are you making?"

"Nothing," Izzie said, closing the fridge. "There's nothing in there."

"There's plenty in there."

"Well there's nothing I want," Izzie said, sitting down at the table too.

"So this is how you spend your days?" Cristina asked.

"Pretty much."

"I'd go completely crazy. I'd jump off the roof."

"Trust me, I thought of it." Izzie looked out the window. "I guess you get used to it after a while. You kind of have to."

"I'd still go crazy." She paused. "How do you stand it? How can you sit here everyday and just…?"

Izzie shrugged. "It's not easy. I wish all the time that I could just go back to how things used to be. But I can't. And it sucks."

"I believe it." Cristina actually smiled.

"I went to see Denny," Izzie said. "Well I went to his grave at least. It was a long drive but…sometimes if I just think about him, it helps. The thought of…seeing him again, I suppose."

"And that helps?" Cristina asked.

"Well yeah," Izzie said. "It's comforting. And I really don't have a chance."

"Why didn't you elect any treatment?" Cristina asked her. "If you did chemo or radiation, you could have lived longer."

"It wouldn't have cured me," Izzie said. "And there's no use putting it off. It's going to happen, that won't change. And you know what those treatments do to people. It was just better this way. In my opinion, at least."

"I guess that's understandable," Cristina said. "So…."

She really didn't know what else to say. It was so strange, the idea of Izzie dying, especially when she was sitting there talking to her right now. Everything was so normal; it was hard to imagine her just all of a sudden not being there anymore.

"I should get back," Cristina said, standing up. "I don't want to be late."

"Okay," Izzie said. "Thanks for coming."

"Yeah," Cristina said. She looked at her, as though she was seeing her differently. It was the look Izzie repeatedly said she didn't like.

"Bye," Izzie said. Cristina seemed to get the hint from the tone of her voice and left the room. Izzie looked back out the window.

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"So?" Meredith asked when Cristina returned. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah," Cristina replied. "She's so different now. It's like she's unrecognizable."

"I know," Meredith said as George came up too. "It's sad."

"Is everything alright?" George also asked.

"Yes," Cristina said firmly.

"Alright," George said, and went on his way.

"I worry about him too," Meredith told Cristina. " I really don't know how he's gonna take this. He tries so hard to act like it doesn't exist. And it's hard to do that anymore."

"We already know how he's going to take it," Cristina said. "We just don't know how he's going to get over it."

"It's like he's convinced himself it's not there," Meredith said. "I swear, Izzie fakes it less than he does these days."

"How long do you think she has?" Cristina asked.

Meredith sighed. "I don't know. But it's getting worse."

"Well it's not going to get better," Cristina said.

"Tell that to George."

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George knew that the cancer was there, and he knew it wasn't going to get better. He checked on her as much as he could (without getting her mad) and did everything he could for her. Staying positive, or at least in good spirits was one of those things. But it made people think he was in denial. He did not care. He wasn't doing this for them.

He went home that night, tired from the day, and slightly dreading going home. He was ashamed for dreading it. But it was true. When he arrived at the house, Izzie was in the kitchen again, and again she was searching for something satisfying to eat, even though she knew she wasn't going to find anything. He entered the kitchen. She turned around to see who it was.

"Oh, hi," she said. "How was your day?"

"Okay," he said. "How about yours?"

"Great as always," she said sarcastically. She started looking in the fridge again.

He looked at her for several moments. "Did you tell the truth?"

She looked at him again. "What do you mean?"

"About you," he said. "About your time."

"What do you mean exactly?" she asked slowly.

"You said you have two months," he said.

"Well I do-"

"But you've already shown symptoms that you should for at least a couple weeks," he said.

She stared at him.

"They said I had two months," she said firmly.

"That's what they said." He continued to stare her down.

"That's what they said," she repeated. "They said I had two months."

He said nothing. He could tell she was getting nervous.

"At-" She looked at him, then looked away, which he knew that meant she was lying, for she could not look at him. "At the most."

He looked shocked.

"But that doesn't mean anything!" she said hurriedly. "It-"

"It means a lot of things," he said, and looked away, unable to look at her anymore. "You lied. Again."

"I didn't lie, I just- I-"

"Just left a pretty big part out," he said. "Do you even realize what this means? This means you could die tomorrow."

"But I'm not going to-"

"How do you know?" he said angrily. "You- I can't believe you-"

He turned to the sink and put his hands on the rim. He could tell by her voice that she was about to cry.

"George I'm sorry," she said earnestly. "I should have said something. I only said that because- that's what I wanted. I thought it would be easier that way."

"For you," he said, turning around to face her again. "That's what you think about. You think you're looking out for me, right? You don't know what's good for me and what's not. Try thinking about someone else rather than yourself."

"George," she said pleadingly, but he walked out of the room. He crossed paths with Meredith as she made her way to the kitchen.

"What's wrong?" she asked as he walked past her. "What's going on?"

He ignored her. Meredith watched him go, then turned to go into the kitchen.

"What's going on?" she asked Izzie instead, who was sitting at the table, her head down. "Is everything alright?"

"No," Izzie said without moving. "I just am so confused. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what I'm doing."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Meredith asked, wanting to know more.

"No," Izzie said, standing up and following George out of the room.


	20. Chapter 20

I cut time pretty short now, mainly because I'm out of ideas and really want to just finish the story. There's only one or maybe two chapters after this, and they won't be really happy ( not that it has been happy at all.)

And also to those who wondered why I'm going to kill her, I didn't know when I started this story where I was going to go with this. Mainly because of the cancer it is is why I decided to kill her, and just because I thought I t would be easier to write. I like writing depressing stories.

I'm not morbid at all. ;) I hope you enjoy the last couple chapters.

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It is amazing how time can move so quickly when you wish nothing more than for it to go slowly. Everyday slips away and you have no idea where it went, and why it went so quickly. For Izzie, time went both quickly and slowly. She watched the last weeks of her life dwindle down and disappear. But it was also slow. Everyday she could feel herself getting farther and farther away. And it was not the way you'd want to live life. The fact that she was dying, and soon, was real now. She could feel it, and it was terrifying. She did not want to die. She was not ready to leave this world behind. It was too soon, it was not fair.

But life was never fair.

George had went and apologized to Izzie for getting angry with her. Though he was really upset at her for what she did, but he did not have time to waste being angry. She had her reasons, as always, and he had to respect that. As always.

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"So why are we sitting down here?" Cristina asked as she, Meredith, George and Alex sat in the living room, waiting.

"Because she wants us to," George said. He had not said much of anything. They did not look at him, for they were afraid he'd freak out if they did. He mostly had wanted to be left alone so he would not have to face the reality he was living in. he was all too aware of how much time was left; there was none. He did not need a doctor to tell him that.

They were silent for several moments. They really had no idea what to say. What could you say in a situation like this? Anything they said, they were afraid it was going to be insensitive, or wrong to talk about. Because all they could think about was the fact that their friend was dying.

"He should come out soon," Meredith said to break the silence.

"Yeah," Alex added, but didn't know what to say after that. Again they fell into awkward silence.

The doctor came down a little while later. They all looked up at him when he came, waiting for him to give them the news they did not want to hear.

It was George that spoke, to their surprise.

"So how long?"

"I'd say about a week," the doctor said. "Maybe a bit more, maybe a bit less."

They were silent for several moments, not looking at each other. Finally George stood up and said, "I'm going to go see her."

The rest watched him go. He could feel their eyes on him and did not like it.

She was looking out the window at the world beyond. As far as she was concerned, the world she was no longer a part of. It was impossible to think that a week from now, she'd be gone. A week from now, and it will all be over. How can that be true? Why did this happen to her? What did she do that was so wrong?

The door opened. She did not look to see who it was. She did not care who it was. It would all be the same from each of them.

"Hey," she heard George say.

"Hi," she said back without looking at him.

He did not speak for a moment. She heard him come up behind her, but she still did not face him.

"So," he said. "A week."

"A week," she sighed.

He stood next to her and also looked out the window. "I've known this was going to happen," he said. "But it doesn't make it any easier."

"Yeah, I know," she said.

He looked at her. After a few seconds she finally did too.

"I don't want to die George," she said quietly.

"I know," he said, putting his arms around her. "I'm going to be here for you. We all will. You won't be alone."

"We all die alone," she said.

He did not respond to this. She looked up at him.

"I'm sorry," he said, for he did not know what else to say.

She smiled. It was great to see her smile.

"It's alright. You have nothing to be sorry about. You've been amazing, you've been here for me. I thank you so much for that. I couldn't do this- or anything for that matter- without you."

He smiled too, though his throat burned. "I'm glad to be here."

"Are they still downstairs?" she asked.

"I think so. Do you want me to go get them?"

She thought about it. "Not right now. Later maybe. I just don't feel like it."

"Okay. Do you want me to leave?"

She smiled again. "No, I want you to stay."

He was glad and surprised to hear her say that. He was so used to her pulling away.

She went over and sat down on the bed. He followed her.

"Do you need anything?" he asked. "I could-"

"No, I'm fine," she said. He sat down on the bed with her. He put his arm around her. She closed her eyes. It felt so good, and so right, to be there beside him.

"Where do you think we would have gone?" she asked him.

"What do you mean?"

"Us, our relationship?"

"I don't know," he said, though he thought about it quite often.

"Would we have gotten married? Would we have made it that far?"

"Maybe. I think so. I hope so. Or I'd…."

I would have hoped so, he thought.

"I think we would have," she said. "Eventually. And it would have been wonderful too, don't you think?"

"I do," he said.

"You should get married," she said, "to a nice girl who really loves you, and accepts you, who is everything I am and so much more. You deserve that."

He again didn't really know what to say. He did not like to hear these things. She was making everything so finally, and acted like it was okay. It was not okay.

"Don't worry about that," he said.

She looked at him. "But I do. I have to. I want you to be okay."

"I will be," he said, though he didn't know if that was completely true.

"I love you, George."

He was quiet for a moment as he tried to get the words out.

"I love you too."

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The next couple days weren't much different. George did not leave her alone for any longer than he had to. He was afraid to leave her alone. They all were.

The doctor came back. She had been in her room for days. She no longer left her room, and she probably wouldn't either.

This time they waited out in the hallway for him to finish, which was a step up from the living room. They knew what they were going to hear today, and so did Izzie. They did not talk or look at each other as they waited. They were all lost in their own thoughts.

The doctor came out. They all looked at him.

"There isn't much time left," he told them. "I think that it is time that you say your goodbyes, if you want her to hear them."

They looked at him. They weren't ready to say goodbye.


	21. Chapter 21

Cristina opened the door hesitantly. Izzie looked to see who it was.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," Cristina said awkwardly, shutting the door. She stood there for a moment, having no idea what to do or say.

"You can come in, if you want."

Cristina sighed and sat down next to her. She did not know how to say goodbye, especially when it shouldn't be goodbye. Not that it ever should.

"They said we're suppose to say goodbye to you now," Cristina said without looking at her.

"Yeah," Izzie said. "It sucks."

"Yes, it does," Cristina said with a small smile. It faded quickly. "I don't know how to say goodbye."

"No one does," Izzie said. "I really didn't know how to say goodbye to Denny when I went to see his grave a couple weeks ago. I just said what I felt I should say. Because it was better than nothing."

Cristina looked at her. She still did not know what to say.

"Is this awkward for you?" Izzie asked her.

"Kind of," she admitted. "I'm trying to think of something, but it's not working."

"I really don't know what to say to people either," Izzie said. "I don't want to say anything. Because I don't want to be here. I shouldn't be here, but I am, and I am going to die and that just seems so unreal. I'm afraid to…."

Cristina paused for a moment, then said, "I'm sorry. I wish that we could have done something for you. I wish we'd have caught it sooner."

"Me too," Izzie sighed. "But that's life. It never goes the way we want it to. Well maybe, if you're lucky."

"I'm not."

"You don't know that yet. You have time. You can make it go the way you want it to. Take advantage of what you have. Because you never know when it's going to be gone."

Cristina stared at her. It was a frightening truth.

"I'll try."

"Don't try. Trust me, don't just try."

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"So many things have changed since we met," Alex said, giving her a smile. "We surely went through it all."

"We did," she agreed. "It was fun."

"I suppose it was."

"I'm sorry," she said. "If I ever hurt you. I'm really sorry."

"You never hurt me."

She smiled. "Okay then."

He looked down. "it's crazy that we're here now. That it's ending like this. I never would have guessed it."

"We never know how things are actually going to end. But I agree with you. I never seen myself here. No one does."

"Are you okay?"

"It depends what you mean."

"I mean-" he thought about it for a moment- "I mean with this. I…don't know."

"Am I okay with dying?" she asked. "Have I accepted it, is that what you mean?"

"I guess," he said.

She smiled. "I try my best. I've known it was going to happen, and I believe I've done everything I needed to. That part helps. But I'd do anything to not be here right now."

"Yeah," he sighed. "Me too."

She looked down. "Why can't we just go back? Why can't life just for once go the way you want it to?"

"I don't know," he said. "And I don't think we'll ever find out."

She looked at him again. "Are you okay?"

"Right now, no."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"You will be okay. You'll have so much better."

"Are you saying better than you?"

"No one is better than me."

He laughed. She smiled. It was nice to hear people laugh. It was nice to hear something good.

He looked at her for a few moments as they were silent.

"I'm going to miss you, Iz. It won't be the same without you here. I can't imagine it without you here."

"I suppose you'll get used to it."

"No," he said. "I don't think we ever will."

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"Hey Iz," Meredith said as she came in. she sat down at the end of her bed. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. How are you?"

Meredith smiled. She could not say she was okay. She tried to open her mouth and say it, but nothing came out. Instead tears came to her eyes and she looked away quickly.

"Hey," Izzie said kindly. "It's okay."

Meredith shook her head and didn't say anything. She took a deep breath to try and calm herself.

"Mer, look at me." She did not. "It's alright. Everything's going to be fine."

"No," Meredith said, still not looking at her. "I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do?"

"Whatever you need to do."

She finally looked at her. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you here too. How am I supposed to wake up everyday and just go by your empty room?"

"You'll have to," Izzie said. "And it'll get easier."

"You don't understand," Meredith said, standing up. "You're not going to be here. I will. We all will. I can't come into this room without thinking about how you…."

Izzie looked at her sadly. Meredith sighed.

"Come here," Izzie said, and she did. Izzie put her arms around her. "I know it's hard now. But I'll be okay, and so will you. You have to tell me that you'll be okay. I don't want to leave you here if this is how you're going to be. I need to know that you'll be okay."

Meredith pulled away from her. "I'm sorry I-"

"All you have to do is say it."

She looked at her for several moments.

"I'll be okay."

"Good," Izzie said with a smile. Meredith smiled back, as much as she could.

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He stood in the doorway for several moments. She did not say anything. She was not ready to say goodbye any more than he was.

"I can't say goodbye to you," he said from the doorway.

"I can't really either," she said.

He stayed in the doorway for another few moments, then went over to her. She looked up at him.

"This is stupid," he said. "We can't say goodbye. Not now. Not yet."

"I know," she said. "But we really have no choice."

He looked away from her.

"George?"

"It's too soon," he said. "This has all gone way too fast. I'm not ready for this. I can't do this."

"You might want to."

He looked at her. She did not understand. She could not understand.

"I didn't get to say goodbye to Denny," she said. "I didn't get the chance to be there for him, or tell him what he means to me, or anything. And do you know what that did to me? I had no closure. I had no…I had no chance."

Maybe she did understand.

"I went to see him, you know," she admitted. "Or his grave at least. So I could get closure. And even though I got to say what I needed to, I wish I could have knowing he heard me."

"That's where you went?"

"That's where I went. And I got to meet Hannah."

"You did?"

"I did." She smiled. "She's beautiful."

He smiled too. "I'm sure she is, with you as her mother."

He sat down on the bed and took her hand. She squeezed it in an assuring way.

"I'm sorry," he said, "for all the stupid fights that we ever got in. especially since most of them were my fault. I'm sorry that I didn't fix this thing with us sooner. And I'm sorry I made you believe that you couldn't tell me you were sick. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she said. "I could have. I almost did. But things were so…you know. And they weren't all your fault. They were both of ours."

"I guess so." He looked down for a moment.

"I can't imagine being here when your not."

"I know," she said and smiled. He looked at her. He could not say goodbye.

"I can't do this. I just can't."

"You can, and you will," she said firmly. "You have no choice."

He put his hand on her face. She was so tired, so sick. He could not bear seeing her this way. She closed her eyes and put her hand on his.

"Izzie?"

"Hm?"

"I love you, so much."

She opened her eyes. "I love you too. And never forget that. Promise me that you won't."

"I could never forget that."

She smiled. He leaned in and kissed her. They broke apart a few moments later. They just looked at each other. In his eyes she could see the pain that this was putting him through. She wished more than ever that this never happened. So she didn't have to do this to him. He did not deserve it.

He lay down in the bed with her. He put his arm around her and held her tight. Because he did not want to let her go.


	22. Chapter 22

Thank you for all your comments. The chapter after this one will most likely be the last. These last chapters have been difficult for me to write, so I don't know if they are my best, but I try. I look forward to hearing your opinions.Rosalie

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The day had been awfully quiet for Miranda Bailey without chasing around her five childish interns. But she for once did not like the quiet, because she knew why they were not there. It was unimaginable to believe that Izzie Stevens was dying. The girl had put her through a lot in the not very long time they knew each other. But that didn't matter now. None of it mattered now.

"Dr. Bailey?" she heard a voice say, making her come out of her thoughts. "Are you leaving?"

It was Callie. Bailey looked at her for a moment, as if unsure of who she was.

"Uh- yeah, I have to leave," she said. "I'm coming back in a while."

"Have you seen George? I haven't seen him in days."

"He's with Izzie," Bailey told her. "That's where I'm going now."

"Oh." Callie looked at her. "How is she? I haven't seen her since she left."

"She's got a couple days left, actually," Bailey said without looking at her.

"Already?" Callie said in surprise. "I didn't know that she had that short of time."

"Well, she did," Bailey said, "and now I have to go see her and the rest. I need to see if they're taking this alright."

She grabbed her purse and put it over her shoulder.

"So I'll see you later, Dr. Torres," she said, walking past her.

"Yeah," Callie said, watching her go. Time sure did go quickly. She wondered how George was doing.

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When Bailey got to the house, Meredith, Alex and Cristina were sitting in the hallway outside of Izzie's bedroom. They all looked at her in surprise.

"Why are you all sitting out here?" Bailey asked, looking at each one of them.

"George is in there with her," Meredith said.

"How is she doing?" Bailey asked.

Meredith shrugged and looked away. Bailey looked to Cristina and Alex, but neither of them said anything either.

"Alright then," Bailey said. "Could I go in and see her?"

"If you want," Meredith said. "He's been in there a while. I'm sure he'll make time for you."

Bailey could tell how upset they all were. They did not seem to want to talk, or even look at each other. Bailey lightly knocked on the door and opened it.

George looked over as the door opened. He was surprised to see Dr. Bailey standing there looking into the room, while his friends sat outside in the hallway, all looking in different directions.

"Dr. Bailey," George said, sitting up and removing his arm from around Izzie's shoulders. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to speak to her," Bailey said. "And to you all."

George looked at her for a moment, then got out of the bed.

"Izzie? Hey Iz."

She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"What?"

"Someone's here to see you."

She looked at him for a moment, and then to Bailey. She also looked extremely surprised to see her.

"Dr. Bailey," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," she said with a smile. She looked at George.

"I'll go see what the others are doing," he said to Izzie. "I'll be back, okay?"

"Okay," she said, and watched him go out of the room. Once the door was shut, she said to Bailey, "He never leaves. He's always in here with me."

"I don't blame him," Bailey said, sitting down. "He's worried about you, and wants to be here for you."

"I know," Izzie sighed. "But I still think he should get out a little."

"He will," Bailey said. "He's doing what he has to."

"Yeah," Izzie said. She and Bailey looked at each other for a moment.

"How are you?" Bailey asked.

Izzie sighed. "I'm tired but afraid to fall asleep, because I don't know if I'll wake up. I'm scared because I know that very soon that is going to happen. And I'm confused. I'm confused."

Bailey was looking at her sympathetically. It made Izzie look away. She did not want Bailey to pity her.

"I know," Bailey said. "It isn't easy. But you have your friends here to help you. They're sitting outside the door waiting to see you."

"I should've told them sooner, like you said," Izzie said, looking at the closed door. "They deserved to know. But it was just so hard. I like doing this on my own. I don't want them to be…I don't know. I just wish I didn't have to do this to them."

"I know," Bailey said again. But she doesn't, Izzie thought to herself. "But they want to be here for you. They have to be here for you. And you know you want them to be, you really do. You wanted them all along."

Izzie nodded but didn't say anything. Bailey looked at the floor. "When I did those tests on you, I wanted to be wrong, I really did. Even when I knew, I looked for another explanation. How was I supposed to go up to you and tell you that you were going to die?"

"Well you never did," Izzie said. "Dr. Hill told me that."

"Because I couldn't. I told you you had cancer, but that's as much as I could do. And I've been here through all of this with you. I've seen what you've gone through, more than they have. And it was hard to watch. It really was, but I did. Because I didn't want you to be alone."

Izzie smiled. "You have done a lot for me. I have to thank you for that."

"I wish I could've done more for you," Bailey sighed. "I wish we could've found it sooner."

"But we didn't," Izzie said. "And that's okay. It's not anyone's fault."

Bailey nodded. She stood up.

"Your friends are waiting. You should let them come in."

"Okay," Izzie said, closing her eyes. "Are you going to stay here?"

Bailey looked at her for several moments. "Do you want me to?"

"I don't want to hold you up. If you have to go-"

"No, it's fine. I'll stay."

Izzie looked at her. "Okay."

"Okay," Bailey said. "I'll go get the others."

They had been sitting in silence, waiting for something to happen. They all looked up when the door opened and they saw Bailey standing there.

"Do you want to go in?"

they all stared at her like the had no idea why'd she'd ask such a question. Meredith was first to stand up. Alex and Cristina followed her.

"George?" Meredith asked. "Are you coming?"

"Yeah," he said. "In a minute."

The others went into the room. Bailey looked down at George. She looked back in the room, then sat down by her side.

"How is she?" he asked.

"I don't think she's any different than ten minutes ago when you last saw her."

"Yeah, I know," he said, looking into the room. "I don't think I've been away from her for ten minutes in a while."

"That's what she said," Bailey said. "I think that it makes her feel bad."

He looked at her. "It makes me feel better."

"I know," Bailey said sympathetically.

"I don't like to see her this way," George said, looking back in the room. "It's just not her. And all I can think about is the pain that she went through, and I don't want to think about that."

"I don't like it either," Bailey sighed. "You should get in there."

He looked at her again. After a moment he stood up.

"Thank you," he said. "For what you've done. For all of us."

"You're welcome."

George nodded and went into the room. It was as silent as the hallway had been. They had already said their goodbyes, and really didn't know what else to say. George went to her bedside. She looked at him and smiled. He smiled back. They didn't have to say anything. They knew what they were saying without words.

He got back in the bed with her. She put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. Meredith, who had been watching, looked away again to hide her tears. Bailey watched from the doorway. Alex was staring at the floor. Cristina was staring at George and Izzie.

He closed his eyes too. He was exhausted. He hardly slept anymore, because he was afraid that-something-would happen, and he wouldn't be there. He wanted her to know that he was there. He wanted so many things.

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He opened his eyes to Meredith's voice saying his name. He started, surprised that he had fell asleep. Meredith was looking at him, frightened.

"Get up, George."

"Why?"

Everyone else was looking at him too. He looked at Izzie. She was asleep.

"George."

Meredith was trying to pull him. The tears in her eyes startled him. Bailey came over to help her.

"George, come on. You need to get up."

They finally got him out of the bed. He looked back at Izzie.

"Oh my god," he said, his face going white.

She was not asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

For the last time, I would like to thank everyone for reviewing. I'd especially like to thank Mcalison, Darkangel1890, Addexluv, and Mcdreamy's lover for being my faithful readers from the begining. I always look forward to hearing from you, since I had when the story started.

I'm sorry to see this story go, at the same time I am pleased; it's bittersweet. I've been working on this a while, and now it comes to an end. I hope you all have enjoyed the story, and I look forward to hearing from you one last time. Thank you to everyone who's ever read and reviewed. It means a lot. Rosalie

Without You-conclusion

It was dark outside, probably nearing midnight. The feeling in the house was unbearable. No one knew what they were doing, or what to do at all. They had known that this moment was coming, but they weren't ready for it to come. And now they didn't know what to do.

"We were downstairs," Cristina was telling Bailey. "Me and Alex. George and Meredith were up there with her. Mer came down to get us. She was freaking out. So we went upstairs with her. George was still asleep, somehow, whatever. And we knew. She was…."

"We were only downstairs for a few minutes," Alex told Bailey, almost desperately. "We just wanted to get something to eat. We-"

"It's okay," Bailey said, trying to stay calm for them. "Where did George and Meredith go?"

"Meredith was trying to talk to him," Cristina said. "But he's…I mean she…."

She did not want to say what she was trying to say.

"George," Meredith was saying desperately. "Please, talk to me."

He didn't say anything. It made her think of all those months ago when they had stood outside of this same door while Izzie lay on the bathroom floor, drowning in her sorrows.

When _Izzie _was in there.

Tears came to Meredith's eyes again. "Please George."

He sat on the opposite side, the door locked behind him. He was staring straight ahead without seeing anything. The world had stopped around him. He had no idea what to do. One moment she was there. And he closed eyes, and she was gone. Just like that. How could that have happened? She was talking. She smiled at him. She was there.

"George, come on. You have to come out. They're going to- they have to- I mean if you want to-"

He knew what she was saying without her having to actually say it. They were going to take her away, because they had to, and if he wanted to see her before they did so, he had to come out.

"I can't," he said. "I can't do it."

Meredith sighed and leaned on the door. "Yeah, me neither."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"She just- died. I was right there- _right there_- and I didn't even know it."

"I didn't either," she said. "I was just sitting there and I wasn't paying attention to anything. I was just…lost in my thoughts. And then I looked at her and it sort of slowly hit me."

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I- I didn't know what to do, that's why I ran down stairs. I didn't know what to do."

"So you let me lay there with her when she was…?"

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, and could not say any more as her voice got caught in her throat. She stood up and walked away without another word. He heard her walk away but did not try to stop her.

Meredith made her way down the stairs. As she did, some people she didn't know walked past her. She did not look at them or say anything. She found Cristina, Alex and Bailey in the kitchen. They all looked at her as she came in.

"Hey," Cristina said. "Did you get to him?"

Meredith shook her head and sat down.

"Meredith," Bailey said, walking over and standing in front of her. "Are you alright?"

Mer looked at her in disbelief but didn't say anything. Cristina came and sat down next to her.

"I'll go talk to him," Bailey said, knowing that it was unwise to try and get anything more out of them. They didn't respond. Bailey left the kitchen by herself. The people who had passed Meredith on her way down now passed Bailey. She stared at them, unlike Meredith had, as they went past with a girl had once been her intern. She waited until they had left the house until she went up the stairs. The bathroom door was still shut and locked.

"George," she said, knocking on the door. "Open the door and get out here."

The door did not open.

"They took her, didn't they?"

"Yes, they did."

She waited for him to say something else, but he did not.

"Look George," she said through the door. "I know this is hard, and it hurts, and all you want to do is hide for the rest of your life so you don't have to face it. But you can't."

"Why can't you just leave me alone."

It wasn't really a question; it was more of a request. Bailey sighed.

"I know you loved her. And I know that this has been hard on you. It's been hard on all of us. Shutting yourself up isn't going to help. You need to-"

"_Just go_!" he cried so suddenly that it startled her. She stared at the door for several moments, then turned around and left. She did not blame him for yelling at her. She probably would have yelled at her too.

On the other side of the door, George stood up and started to pace around the room. Everything was so crazy and out of control, and he did not know how to fix it. It was all too much for him. It happened too fast, it happened too soon. It shouldn't have happened at all. But he knew this was going to happen. He knew it.

He sat down again. He suddenly remembered the day he laid on this same floor with Izzie, telling her how sorry he was. Now he was in her position. Except she wasn't there to lie on the floor with him.

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The day was cold and rainy, reflecting everyone's moods. George sat on the floor in Izzie's room, staring at the bed he last saw her in. it was as if he was waiting for her to come back and tell him this was all a cruel joke and they could just go back to life as it was.

"Hey George?" he heard Meredith say. "Are you ready to go?"

He sighed and stood up. "Yes," he said, opening the door and walking out of the room, closing the door behind him. They stared at each other for several moments.

"Are you really ready?" Meredith asked.

"No," he said truthfully. "Are you?"

"No," she also said.

"Alright then. Let's go."

Cristina and Alex were waiting downstairs. They all looked so dark in their black clothes. They all looked so sullen.

"We're ready," Meredith announced.

They left the house together. They did not speak much in the car. They all wanted the day to just be over so they could try to move on.

They sat side by side in the back row. They wanted to be away from everyone else. When it was over, they were the first ones to leave, all together, without speaking to another person that was there.

After everything was finally done, especially the burial (which was the worst part for all of them, because it was so final) they were ready to leave and try and forget that any of this had happened. George broke apart from the rest of them, and none of them tried to follow; they knew that'd he'd need some time alone.

He went as far away as possible, without getting them out of sight. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. She was really gone now; he wasn't going to see her ever again. He finally let the tears that he had tried so hard to fight to come to him, roll down his face in rivers of his sorrow. He had no idea how he was going to go back to his old life and act like everything was normal. He had seen her every day. And now he wasn't. she was in his old life. How was he supposed to go back to it if a big part of it was missing?

"George?"

He opened his eyes and turned around. Callie was standing there, looking uncertain.

"Yeah," he said.

"How are-?"She stopped before she finished the question. It was such a stupid question to ask. She knew how he was. George was silent for a moment.

"Everybody keeps on saying she's better now," he said hollowly. "It's like they're trying to remind me of how she suffered."

"They're just trying to-" Callie started, but he finished the sentence for her.

"Be nice? Help? It's not. They'd help more if they just left me alone."

He looked away for a moment, and then back at her. "I just don't know what I'm supposed to do now, or how I'm supposed to do it. I was there by her side every day. And now she's not here at all. What do I do?"

Callie sighed. "I don't know. But I'm sure you'll figure it out."

He looked away again. "She said she wanted me to be happy when she was gone."

"I'm sure she wanted you to be happy. She loved you and wanted the best for you."

"She loved me," he repeated and laughed. "_Loved_. Why does that sound so strange?"

"Because that means she can't do it any more," she said.

He nodded.

"I did all I could, right? I did all that I could for her?"

"You did," Callie said. "And more."

He looked at her for a long time. She looked straight back.

"I think I should go," he said. "I don't want them to leave without me, and I know they're probably debating it."

"Okay," Callie said sadly. "And George?" she added as he walked away. He looked back at her.

"It's going to be hard. But you'll be okay."

After a moment he nodded. Then he went and found the rest of his friends, and they went back home after a silent car ride.


End file.
